SILENT TEARS

By: Lavi Singh

“I want to spread my wings but I just can’t fly,

…my precious wings are broken tired…”

I believe I can fly to touch my best friend, the blue sky.

I believe I can soar high from the daylight ‘till the moonlight,

I believe I really can….

    But how? when my wings are broken, how could I survive?

Is there a way to heal what is broken without hurting others feeling?

Is there a way to stop the pain without having tears?

Where should I be?

I seek for a place not to give up nor hide…

but to fight with life in order to make things right.

I often forget that I am just human who can't always be right. I might be tough and strong as you see me, but it’s all a disguise, because in reality, no matter how tough or strong a person is, if he is captive by such a strong emotions of life’s madness and carries the burden on the expectations of others, he will touch the ground and give up, not because he is a coward, but because he is brave enough to accept what is bound to happen even if it means a sacrifice.

Today, I see my own self too closely. All alone and weary, I feel the heavy burdens upon my shoulder.

I can do nothing but close my eyes, because I would never say I’m that person who likes to give up and hide.

What do they expect from me? Wouldn’t I get hurt each time life attacks me?

If I call this life a war, then we know that war never brings peace, since in war, someone wins and others may loose, but one common thing, both pay with blood that thirst.

What good there is to give?

Nothing but a weary soul.

I am worn out.

Why am I in this kind of war?

I wanna take rest but I couldn’t

I wanna do things in my own ways and at my own risk

Yet I was hindered by outside forces, controlled like a robot.

When would I be free?

This war of uncertainty is killing me, yet nobody see

Because everyone is busy on putting up their baggage on me.

I wanna feel something but my body is numb all over

Everything seems blurred, I see nothing but frozen tears

I didn’t feel my body, yet I feel someone has hit my soul

Direct to the core, the pain was so unbearable!

I act like a kid and started to cry, sat in a corner alone, waiting for all

Yet no one else was coming for comfort

Nobody asked how I am or why I cried 
No one dares to ask why I sit and fall down 
No one!
Because everyone just want me to fly all around

I envy the birds which fly freely above me. I wish I could do the same like what others expect of me, but I am just mere human, treated like a bird, put in a silver cage.

Long time ago someone has bought a lovely bird with nice looking wings and gorgeously white feather, like a dove. Fascinated by its loveliness, the man put the bird in a cage. Every morning, it has become his routine to watch the bird for it gives him a light and peaceful feeling before he start his long day.  He was centered on his needs to keep the bird in his custody. He never bother to think if the bird needs freedom or not. He never think that it was born for open sky, and that it couldn’t survive in a silver cage.

Poor bird, he was put in a cage by his master. He struggled hard like to break that cage in order to free himself and fly far away at the open sky. Like me, he forgot that he is just a living thing, surrounded by predators, controlled by outside forces. No matter how hard he tries to struggle to free himself up, he couldn’t easily escape because his existence is already controlled by his master. There’s no way out. Struggling for his freedom is just like a dream, nothing more than that.

After a long fight he just give up his life, fly away from his soul but left behind his body which people buy from the market just for money. He was thinking, he has stayed in that cage, his master gave him all the good food, yet he still desired to get away. Now, he is free, but his body which was being blessed was still kept in that silver cage. The master has his body but he has set his own soul free.

Like of that lovely bird, nobody cares to ask what I want. All they cares is what they want and it has become my duty to give them what they want.

I want my freedom. I wanna spread my wings and fly high, meet my desires, do what I want in that boundless sky, but my wings are broken tired.

Do I have to escape from this world, leave everything behind, take nothing but my soul?

Even the answer to this question is not mine but in favor of the people.

Nothing is really mine!

Nothing… except my silent tears frozen in the corner of my cold eyes..

Hidden behind the shadow of lonely nights.

When a Goddess Fall in Love

Love is so scary. I said "NO".
Love hurts. I said not that much.
Love makes you bad. I said not really.. 
 ...unless you're weak and selfish, who doesn't know the value of sacrifice.

One of our purpose here is to love and to be loved.
Some of us get scared to love because they said it hurts when love fails
But most of us took the risk of loving, believing that its better to love, though lost that love, than never to love at all.
Love is a very powerful force that could change a life to every individual.
It is a powerful healing force to those who embrace it with no condition
but a disgrace to some who took it selfishly.
It could drive you crazy, weird or wild
or give you happiness, contentment and peace.
When it hits you, you gotta deal with it in your own ways.
Love excuses no one, not even to the goddess of love.

I wanted to share about Lavi Singh's insight on a "wild horse ride" love, by sharing a story of a modern goddess who took the risk of loving a man unconditionally.

Confession of a Goddess

They say I'm a goddess of love and beauty. So feeling like a real goddess, strong yet sensible, jolly and carefree, I opened up my wings to embrace love and fly to the rain. I spread beauty through my smile, showering happiness to everyone I see. I am confident in everything I do. I do what I love, and love what I do.

Love, trouble, storm... are no big deal to me. 
My love could heal whatever it may be.
I don't see any problem in love storm. I don't see any emotion stronger than the love in the heart of every person. I am not bothered when people got shaken by the so-called "Love and hate commotion". I don't mind it all, because all I mind is "I am the goddess of love, and love is in my heart.

I am confident I can handle things. I am a goddess remember?
I can control my own feelings as well as the feelings of others. If I need something, I can have it, just by the flip of my finger. I believe I am destined to reach my own star, because I, myself, is a star.

One dark night, trying to come out from my comfort zone, in the world of nowhere, I’ve seen one gorgeous star. Sparkling like the purest jewel, I saw him perfect in everything. I got mesmerized by his magnificence. He’s like the moon shining from a distance, winking at me flirting with his smile. 

.... at last I found my destined star!

That first crazy happy night. 12:00 midnight. I made a genuine happy smile while staring at my new found star across the mile.  I feel disturbed by his charm. His smile is electrifying that awakened a passionate yearning I never expected to feel.  Though I am a stranger to him, his stunning craziness has made me at ease by his presence. That moment, to him I may look like nothing, but to me, I know he is everything.

What is happening to me? I can control things just by the flip of my finger but why now my entire being has gone crazy? Who is this irresistible star that has entered my heart in just a second with no permission and doesn't even care to leave? Why is he disturbing my ironed life and feeling himself comfortable at my sight?

Have I known this star before? He is some kind of noble, strong and powerful like a god, is he a god? He seemed not ordinary but quite familiar to me. I feel like I’ve known him long ago. Have we met before in the greenwood and once in our time have frolicked the rivers and danced with the trees? I feel like he knows me. Each time I see him, I am full of excitement like I am seeing something special shining like no other.

Day by day I wish nothing but to go near him. What is it I am feeling? Every single step I make is like I’m walking towards a flame. I feel like burning each time I see different girls shared a smile at him. I wanna take a step back.. but I can’t, because the more I do it, the more it hurts. Trying to suppress my tears (tears? Goddess do cry?), I just close my eyes and try to make my chance towards him. I don’t wanna compete with any girl. I am in competition with no one. I just wanna go near him and love him. I just wanna see him closer, so I could memorize every single detail of his face and paint it in my heart.

Luckily, I was able to get closer to him, but oh god, the closer I get to touch him the stronger my yearnings. I lost my own world because he has become my world.  My simple love for him has brought me into another dimension. A place of contentment where I could love him freely without asking anything in return and no expectation. In that place he knows I love him more than I ever loved anyone, yet I refrain from asking him of how he really feels. Every time he smile at me, I know he cares! That is more than enough for me. I wanna savor the sweetness of loving him. I don’t care about everything. I don’t even care about tomorrow. All I want is fly, fly high like an eagle and if I fall down, break my neck, I would still be happy because it was all my decision.

Days and months gone by, my love is taking me so up in the sky. Love wants me to enter in his soul. The more I try to get in deeper, the more I get lost. Each time he sit next to me, there’s magic, nothing matters except his words and his lips. I’ve never been as happy as this before.  Just by the thought of him turns my world upside down. I really don’t care about what is happening around. I don’t care if people notice me or see me stupid. I want nothing from anyone except to be in his arms.

I decided to see my love every night and day. He is the star I wanna see and talk to before I sleep at night, and the same star I wanna smile at each morning I wake up. Day after day he is in my every thought. He told me once he doesn’t deserve of my pure love because he is broken, but I shut him up. I don’t care about his past. After all, broken stars are the loveliest and strongest stars. He may be a broken star but his broken pieces give shine to everyone. This is what makes him unique and perfect in my sight. I am willing to help him pick up the broken pieces. I sensed something troubled him. He seemed too restless. I wish I could do something to comfort him. I wish I could erase the pain that hides within him and I wish I could quench his thirst and turn his dry river into an ocean of happiness. I wish I could.. but how?  For now, the only thing I could do is a promise to love him from afar, in my very own way of loving. I love him for no reason, his presence is enough for me to carry on.

One day, with so much excitement to see him again, standing at the place where I last saw him, I waited for him patiently. Where is he? He isn’t coming back? I start to worry. My excitement gone and turn into fear. Fear that he might not come back. For the first time I feel weak and my confidence has become like an ice cream, sweet but melting under the heat of the sun. I’ve never been so scared in my whole existence, not until now.

Feeling weary, I sat in the ground, not losing my hope. Tries to appear strong, I hold back the tears. I could hardly breathe.. as if myself was torn into two. My heart wants to say something but my mind starts to argue. Confusion engulfed me, tears clouded my eyes. What is happening? Yesterday I was so happy, but now I feel like a broken arrow hit my heart and tear it apart.  I buried myself with both hands and screamed in silence and asked god why.

Few moments after, I heard footsteps from a distance, leading towards me.  My eyes want to see, my body wants to feel, but my heart gets scared. My sorrowful heart wants to cheer me up and say “see I told you he is coming, you just need to wait”, but my mind interfered, “No don’t look up, it’s not him, you would only regret”. The hell about regrets.. my love is stronger than my doubt. I didn’t care. I looked up and saw my love extending his hand at me, helping me to stand up. With no second thought I hugged him tight, buried my face in his shoulders, trying to hide the tears streaming down from my eyes. I wish to tell him that last few hours I die a hundred times.. but no, I don’t want him to see me cry, I don’t want him to see me sad. He’s here. No point of wasting my time when he is in my hug.

My love for him is getting deeper. I asked him the next day how he feels about me. My heart is in a rush. I was holding my breath for his answer.. no words came out from his sweet lips except a sweet killer smile that melt my heart like what he did from the very start. Maybe he is not a man of words. His gesture is enough to give me a rainbow. My mind wants to say something but this time, I shut her up, not allowing her to say even a single word. I deserve to be happy. He is my happiness. My love for him inspires me. I’ve seen beauty in everywhere I see. His care and concern is like medicine to me, his smile is like water that gives me life every day. This love of mine drives me crazy.. but I don’t care. I feel like  I can defeat all the hard times, I can win in every battle as long as he is near.

But in everything there is twist. Storm has come. My feeling become shaky. No it can’t be. I am a goddess and everything is in my control, remember? Everything must be okay.. but god, why do I feel like a stranger with my very own self now? Does my love towards him changes me? Or I’m just too worried that my love will just fly away with the storm. There’s a feeling I hate to feel, jealousy. I have never been insecure in my life, but when I see my love standing with someone or talk to someone, my stupid thoughts bring thunderstorm in my hopes. All the happy feelings get scared, they want to hide only in his hug. Why am I feeling this? This is not me. I’ve never been afraid when it comes to love because I myself is love, but why now I feel like I am torn apart? Who am I now and what are these voices whispering at my weary soul? I’m so tired my brace soldiers step up and start to fight for myself. My brain tries to give me peace, hoping to explain that there’s nothing to worry, but why my heart has become numb and turn into devil? It isn’t my heart, I wanna say it isn’t my heart but how to fight when everything in me is weak? Since when did I start doubting him? I trust him but why this force of jealousy is killing me? I know he is restless. I know he flirts around with other stars and couldn’t stick with just one, but why am I hurt when I knew it all from the very start?

Jealousy to anger.. god I don’t believe this. My heart has become devil and its turning myself into evil. Now I don’t care, I don’t mind if the universe call me selfish. I want to possess him, own him, call him mine, and get rid of everyone who go near him.  I never care if it’s fair or unfair or if they call me aggressive. He is mine. He should be mine. I don’t need anything except his love. All I want is to be happy. If becoming a devil makes me happy, so be it. I don’t care at all.

I wanna close my ears. I don’t like to hear voices from anywhere. My heart says I’m in love. Now I trust my heart enough to keep the star I love. Before, I just wait for him without expecting anything, I just be happy when he appears and smile at me. If he comes late I just think he get stuck with work and I patiently wait for him, but now, because I am in love, I get scared if he comes late, “just one scary dream always comes in front of my eye, no one hide him from my sight”. I wish I fight with him, I wish I cry on his shoulder.. but this is too much. He is here now, I need to hide the fear. Teary eyed, hoping the gods in the entire universe be on my favour, I just look up at the sky, there, I see one broken star, flashed before my eyes. In just a second, I shut off my eyes and made a wish for myself. A wish to keep him with me forever. This is my love. I don’t care how people gonna say I’m selfish. I don’t wanna ask what he need… weather he likes to spend his life with me, there’s no difference now of asking him, I’m scared to ask, all I need is him without any conditions.

Am I happy with what I did? God no. I feel ashamed, sad and empty. At first, I promised to watch him just from afar. But this time I took him as my property. I put him in my love jail, making him suffocate of my demands.  God above all gods, I become selfish, I’m sorry. All I want is to fight for my love and to be happy, I forget to see if he is happy with me. What shall I do now? should I set him free from my love jail?  Oh god I feel like dying just by the thought of him away from my sight. I used to laugh with him, shared precious moments with him… How could I let him go? Is there a need to?

Now, I would like to run behind firefly which just I can see but hard to find. I wanna run as long as I can, I wanna see when I get broken tired. I wanna chase my dream of having him, loving him the best way I can, fly him into somewhere else ‘till my wings get broken .... and realize how weak I am.

It's all weak love...when selfishness prevail than sacrifice, when treating the one you love as your property, when jealousy locks your capacity to understand, when turning your good self into devil, when you always find faults and blame others and above all when a goddess step down into a nonsense level.

Being a goddess is not easy. I live not for myself only, I love not for my own heart alone, but for the heart of everyone. Now I understand fully why my destined star can't simply stay. He has a mission like me, to keep shining every night and day and make everyone happy.

I must be strong in my love. I am a goddess of love, strong love should be in my heart.

Brain said, "My love is just in my heart since the man I love is not in real life".

My heart replied, "My love is pure enough to make a man come to life".

LOVE IS LIKE A RAIN DROP

By : Lavi Singh

“Love is just a rain drop, you can keep in empty bottle but you can’t save on dry floor” -Lavi-

Every time we fall in love, it's like we enter in dreamland, a world of fairy tale.

In this kind of world, everything goes slowly.

We try to catch light in our hand
We try to see we are the only special person in the world and the world just stand in one place for us, watching us as we celebrate love's sweetness under the rain.

Everything is magical.
yes, magical in this kind of world we call "dreamland".

But life is not always a dream. It's not always a bed of roses.
In real world, it is common that love just make our hopes and dreams awake with hard slap.

Love is the core of everything, yet there are issues and twists we need to consider...
issues or concerns that most lovers refuse to see nor understand.

We know what love is and how it make us, but why we always listen to our heart?
Why do we always like to hear of what is pleasing to the ears?
Why can't we disagree our heart and give way for brain to speak for us?

“Why can’t I stop a person who love me or who I loved?” 

When a person expect so much from love, it is no longer a prank or game, rather it is more serious than life or death. 

It’s funny, why I compare love with life and death.
In life-death situation, we have only one option. Stay alive or sleep forever. 

In love, we rebirth every single time when we meet the person who we love more than life, or we die again and again when we get rejected by that same person. 

There is no control on emotion, it’s just like a wild horse ride, all risk in your hand, you know you’ll get hurt but still you go on with it, not because somebody has force you to, but because your heart is uncontrollable and gotten crazy.

Its like a raindrop that touches your skin, it gives you a sweet fresher feeling, but it wont stay long there, either you wipe it or let it stay ti'll it gets dry.

All we can do is feel it..
Get crazy and wild feeling..
enjoy it when it comes..
but don't ever try to hold it, nor control it in your hand.

We cannot control love.

No matter how we try to get hold of it

 it surely get slipped if that is not meant to be

Love is just a rain drop, you can keep in empty bottle but you can’t save on dry floor.

How many understand this? Once one does, he/she is strong enough.

HOPE IN THE HORIZON

Courtesy of : Lavi Singh

From a distance ..
while the rays of the sun kiss the skyline, 
the wave of hope starts to smile 
as it touches the shoreline. 
Beneath a bright blue sky,
is a patient man standing by... 
Is he waiting for something? 
or a moment?
Staring at the ocean,
He is whispering hope at the rising sun!
                             
            -Moonrose-

 “I just wait for that moment which I can say 'this is mine and only for me'. I’m not selfish but how long can I smile for others? This only makes me a “double face person”.  All the people around me always expect me to smile. Smile is good, but what if I would be in difficult times and I feel like I am in a dry desert which badly cries for a single drop of water? Who is with me to quench my thirst? The sea? The sky or the clouds above?  How sure am I that they’re always with me? Whom to trust? We all see people give big promises to others like “we are always here for you" and yet, they left, leaving nothing but broken promises. It’s all nothing.. and (take note) nothing stays forever (even  the word “nothing”). Should I stop trusting then? Should I just be casual, just shake a hand, feel the touch and never trust?”   -Lavi- 

It’s too easy to put our hope in the things of this life. We tend to fall in love with this life - Career, money, possessions or position, pleasure, achievements - so on and so forth.

When we lose all that the world offers, we are confronted with the hopelessness of it all. We set our own goal, try hard to achieve it for ourselves and loved ones, only to find out that it simply doesn’t work. It’s like we are chasing on something and wasn’t able to make it at the end. 

So what would happen?

There are two things. It’s either we start losing our confidence or we start looking at it as a challenge.

Most of us like to choose the latter. We like challenges. We’re facing it day by day. 
Life after all is a challenge. It's full of mystery that brings either happy or sad moments.

If sadness knocks at the door of your being, dismiss it right away. It only leads you to hopelessness.

However, when happy moment greets you then embrace it.. treasure it! Happy moments are special & unforgettable and always show us the way to being hopeful.

We see a lot of people every day. Some are just happy with nothing while others are sad despite they have everything.   At some point, a businessman is quite sad because he ranks only no. 2 in the market, while on the other side, one person is just praying for a single day work, because his family will be hungry if he has nothing in his kitchen to eat.  One decent meal was all he asked for, he doesn't care for more, just a decent meal and it would be happiness to him, a priceless moment to those like him who are able to understand the pain of hunger. How many people are like him who can appreciate the little blessings they have in their hands, those who always experience hunger and yet never become hopeless?

One time, one good man has taken a night walk alone after having a nice dinner. He saw one person sitting alone, looking so hopeless and broke. His face tells a story about his messy life. The man tapped the person’s shoulder and asked “What happened, are you lost or you’re looking for something?” the person replied, “I’m a failure and I can’t face myself, I lose everything and nothing left except my miserable life.” The good man smiled at the person and said, 

“You call yourself a failure when in fact you’re lucky! Look at you, and look at those disabled people who never lose their hope, rather contentment registered in their face as they live life moment by moment.

Look at those blind people who can never see life's beauty. They lose eyesight but did they become hopeless and broke? 
Did you lose your leg or eyesight too? 

If not, then shame on you for saying you lose everything. You only lose your capacity to think well, because you welcome self pity and negativity. You’re still complete. You still have the capacity to stand up, pick up the broken pieces and use it to build yourself up”. 

The person stood up and said, “That kind of thing only happen in fairy tale. In real life we are born to die. That’s always the truth”.

This is not just a story for nothing. It is a story of faith and interest. 

We always stand for blood, but what about those who, we never meet in life yet could stand for us. In most cases we close our mind to those people who could help us open our eyes to see the truth. We tend to believe what we see but never give chance to believe the truth we've never seen (that oftentimes the most valuable one). We easily ignore little things and get attracted to extra bling from far away.

So often people cry out at life wondering why they have cursed. Why no opportunities have been given to them. Why they must continue to lead the lives they so desperately want to change. The truth of the matter is, the opportunities that they’ve been seeking have always been there; only in the unrecognizable form of their problems.

Come to think of it. Life has handed us numerous opportunities in a silver platter. This platter (where opportunities reside) is inside an ugly box covered with crumpled gift wrapper. You couldn’t see the opportunities inside that ugly wrapped box until you open it. Most of us, if we see an ugly box, we judge that the thing inside is also an ugly stuff.

This is what happened if life give us hard times. We become hopeless and forget to see the opportunities behind that hardships. We lose hope and lock ourselves in that dark room of depression.

Hope (like love), is just a "four- letter" word yet it has big power that could defeat the "ten-letter word depression" or the "twelve-letter word hopelessness". It has its own power that lights up everything. It transcends positive energy which help us out in killing bad powers (negative vibes). 

How?

How to defeat them in this kind of state we are now, where everything seems powerful? We are but human who are prone to the so-called “bad breaks” of life. We work hard yet lose our car, house, money.. even relationship.  Then we blame it to God or we gonna say, we’re just having bad luck.

Darn! Its not about luck! It’s about FAITH! It’s about HOPE! Have the faith to conquer bad breaks and let the ray of hope shine upon your entire being. Have faith to open that ugly box of problems and keep hopeful that the opportunities inside is intended for you. No one could do that for you but ONLY YOU. If you feel discourage and stop helping yourself because you get drowned into the ocean of hopelessness, then NO ONE would help you to get out from there. You'll get drowned, not even a CPR could revive you.

Everything stands on hope. If you see no hope, you’ll have no tomorrow. Does anyone know about what lies ahead? We may sleep tonight and tomorrow we could no longer wake up. 
Scared? 
If we keep this mentality, then we would surely get scared of sleeping. Why get scared to die when you say your life is in a mess? Or okay, lets put it this way, you choose to die rather than living a miserable life, would you allow to die just like that? die in hopelessness? It’s useless! You should have wished you were not born in the first place. It’s a big shame! I don’t want to sound mean. All I want to say is appreciate everything that comes your way and stay strong. Keep fighting from all the bad breaks and be positive. A positive mind conquers everything. When we close our eyes with a positive mind, we will be able to wake up with a fresher feeling, rather than worrying if we could still wake up or not. Is it difficult to view things on the positive side despite of all the bad breaks? I guess not.. if beginning today, you let this four-letter word “HOPE”, (which is as powerful as the same four-letter word “Love”), resides in your heart.

 Be positive

 think positive

 always look at the horizon 

where the sun rise up...

 promising hope.

Live your life with a hopeful heart. 
Always keep HOPE for a change.
...a change for the better.

LOVE CONFESSION: TOO CLOSE BUT STILL TOO FAR

by: Lavi Singh

Possible and impossible

Two contrasting words... both are valuable
                      

Most often, we primarily think the impossibilities of a situation before we recognize its possibilities. This is quite common in life, in love in particular. We think that a certain situation is quite impossible but we could make things possible, for we believe that love works in mysterious ways and love is able to make impossible things ... possible.

I may not be a writer who could easily express my thoughts into words…

but I have a heart that feels, listens and speaks with another heart (hoping your heart would listen).

                        

We have a much valuable person in front of our eyes but we keep on searching for others. Why am I telling this? Simply because at this point in time, I know someone who has just touched my life with a smile - a kind of smile that is so captivating, pure and electrifying, and with a positive attitude that transcends all the negatives. 

This someone has taken my mind. The more I think about her, the more I feel like crazy and my brain doesn’t step up. I simply can't ignore her presence in my entire being as if I am held captive by her simplicity and charm.

She knows she’s in love with me, yet I try to keep adding one step backward to distance myself away from her so I couldn’t hurt her. She is too cute and sweet, and I hate holding back my feelings but I’m afraid because I don’t want ever she get hurt or my bad luck would bring sadness to her face. I love her so much but there are things I couldn’t change. I don’t know what to do. It’s like I am giving a clear plain paper and a pencil to a baby. Now it’s just a matter of time and wait of what she gonna draw on that paper, so she could have an ample time thinking of what kind of person I am.

I didn’t sleep tonight. Every time I close my eyes, I've seen her face and heard her voice. I don’t know what’s happening to me, (don’t I really know? or I just hide?). I hate to admit, I’m in love with her. It’s very possible to love her but I make it impossible because me and her couldn’t be together plus the fact that she's from hundred miles away. I know she’s sad thinking that I might not love her. Oh God I can't stand to see her sad, it pains me inside..if she only knows how I am dying to be with her. It's like a torture… Sometimes, I am in the verge of giving in, telling her how much I love her, get closer to her just to see her smile again and take pride for I am the reason of that smile… but I stopped myself because it’s the only reason I know not to hurt her.

What shall I do?

Shall I tell her about my feelings?

Or shall I wear a mask and pretend I don’t love her?

My life is so busy but still I waited for her like a kid. Her simple “hi” is like a river that quenched my thirst. It’s like I don’t feel hungry once I receive her text. Whenever I get sad or mad, her simple message works like a hug. I don’t know who she really is but she has this power of love that touches every single veins of my precious heart, and keep me thinking about her naughty, sweet, pure and happy nature. If I have to choose my last wish I would choose to watch her from a distance when she laugh because her smile is the only thing which makes me stop on her door steps.

I waited fair enough. Now I need to stop worrying about what would happen in the future. We can’t change the past and the future is yet to come. All I have to do is live the present, try to make a difference and don't mind others. 

Is it about time to tell her how much I love her?
Do I need to go close and hold her, hug her tightly , and tell her...
“Please don’t say anything today, just feel me and my breath, it speaks all about my feelings and my wishes ”.

Today, I decided to stop holding back. She may be far from me but she is so close in my heart. She has that special room inside me. Who knows what would happen next. I laid down my cards. I must admit that I love her. I don’t like to see any impossibilities now. Everything is possible. Things may not happen today, but someday, somewhere, somehow we would meet and magic happen. Love never comes with warranty for anything but all hold on hope. Now my hope is telling me to tell her how much I love her. Moon and earth never meet each other but when the moon is full grown, it makes the earth more beautiful. Even if he gets that light from someone else, still people don't care because all they see is the bright light which comes from the moon. 

I don't care what people say now. I care only of what my heart is telling me.

Please listen...

"no matter how far is the distance 

between you and me,

 I love you. 

I love you so much straight from the heart".

SKY (see the reflection of dreams)

by: Lavi Singh

One sky.                  

One world.

It takes all kinds of people to make a world

Easy or difficult people dealing with heaven or hell day by day…

under one roof, the sky.

When we were young, we were taught like, “If you do good such as being nice to your fellow kids and being respectful to parents and adults, God and angels in heaven will reward you, but if you bully kids around and disrespect elders, you’ll be thrown out to the fire of hell”.

In our young and innocent minds, we start to develop the fear of hell (not knowing that we will be experiencing it as we age). Getting scared on the idea of being thrown to the blazing fire, once we disobey the elders, we try to behave, believing that angels would be pleased in heaven.

One kid asked, “where is heaven?”

Another kid points a finger upward, “heaven is up there, the SKY”

Then another one asked, “where is hell?”

Few kids made a chorus saying “It’s down there” (below the ground)

One smart kid uttered, “ We’re standing on hell”.

Too young to understand about hell and heaven, our innocent mind adopt the notion of benevolence. We act according to what we believe is right and just, based on what others told us.

As grown ups...

                 

We believe in heaven and hell, though technically, no one has ever seen it yet. No one could prove if it does really exist, or if it’s just a story being pass- through from generation to generation.

Many explanations came out, biblical, philosophical, theoretical, etc..

But my understanding about heaven and hell is based upon my own story.

At some point in life, we’re going to be hit hard. We all do. Pain is unavoidable. If we stay long in pain our life is somewhat in hell, because we are suffering. It’s like we are in a blazing fire of grief, discomfort and agony.

Once we’re going through hell, we stop walking. We’ll get stuck. Every time we bump into some hard times, we stop walking and drowned ourselves to loneliness, close all doors of opportunities, lock ourselves in a room with nothing but darkness inside. In that state, we are definitely in hell.

Every person - regardless of age, color and religion - got the same heart or emotion. It means to say that they too get hurt and experience pain.  It is up to the person on how to deal with his feelings. Many hide it, just don’t even tell about it because they think that no one here would like to listen to them.

Since we are living in a time when material possession has become a kind of god to people, we are prone to distractions. Our relationships are affected – family, work, business, friends-

Now I wonder, what state are we in? 
Is there really such a place like heaven or hell?
or is it just a reflection?

Going back when we were young, we get scared of hell. What can we do now when the situation we’re in is “hell” itself?

It’s like we are living in a spoiled generation where honesty, loyalty and compassion may seem, do not exist. Everything has become instant like in relationship and in friendship. It's like everyone is chasing something, run for money instead of dignity.  Most people these days only make friends for benefit. No benefit, no place for friendship. Money speaks. It has become powerful than faith. It replaces everything, even love and peace.

Before, we always hear this line: “Work hard and you’ll succeed”. Is it still applicable now? I doubt. Because nowadays, the more you corrupt, the more you succeed. No value for love, no value for respect. Again, only money speaks.

Some people born for rules and others just die to follow those rules. why can’t all be equal? Why can’t we treat fairly? 
Here’s another thing, If one person did one little mistake, people always remember that mistake rather than remembering the good ones that person made. Then there goes the judgmental crowd who parade themselves in the facade of hypocrisy. They may seem nice creature, giving you smiles but their pretentious look reflects in their eyes.

We usually judge people by their color and action. Sometimes we do something which looks bad to others, though we don’t have any personal reason or bad intention of doing so, that could hurt someone, yet it just happen, which we can say accident but our modern generation always think different.  If someone talk too sweet, people think he/she need something from us, if someone doesn’t talk much then they think that person is kind of rude or just act special.

This modern world suffocates us. Where to breathe? How to breathe? There’s no choice. Is there any way to get out from this hell? Is there someone out there whom we could share our happiness, sadness and even our flaws? Is there someone out there who won’t judge us, rather understands us and consider us special despite of our imperfections?

I’ve seen no one at the moment, except the sky each time I look up to hold back my tears..
and the earth whose always beside me in my lonesome moment. They are my friends so far whom I know would never leave me in good and in bad times. 
People always make promises… they say “I’ll always be with you like a shadow. Just call me and I’ll be there”, and yet they left. They didn’t realize that when dark comes, shadow disappears and get succumb in darkness. The sky never leaves, always above us forever and beyond.

Poor situation we got. We have no one but we still run every single second like a robot. 
Why we run like that and what we run for? 
If we say we do this for our family, then where is our family? 
If we say we do all the hard work for our better future, then where is the future? When do we have that bright future?

We would never find out unless we try to see the reflection of how the sky touch our passion.

We should stop running because life is more like raindrop bubbles which we don’t know how long will stay, we should live life like today is the last day, without worries and sadness.

When I feel sad or lonely I sit under the comfort of my friend's love ...sky.

NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE THE VALUE OF YOUR PRESENCE

"I was  torn between two feelings-- sadness and happiness. Sadness because we have to depart the old year that leaves us unforgettable memories; happiness because all those memories radiate hope for the new year" 

Setting aside sadness,  join me in embracing a brand new start by  saying...

I always welcome the new year with positive disposition. Before year ends, I do some specific activities or practices such as cleaning my room, disposing much trash and clutter I have accumulated through the years. I believe that clutters attract negative energy, thus I should arrange things and put them in its right place to welcome positive vibes. 

Similar to this,  we also need to organize our aspects in life  -- mental, physical, emotional, social and spiritual. We need to organize our thoughts, need to sort out our emotions, fix some problems, clear minor debts or settle accounts, mend broken relationships and the like, and welcome an amazing  year enthusiastically.

However, there are times that no matter how hard we try to organize things, our plans will not turn out fine (the way we expect it to be). We try to give our best, exert all our efforts in making people around us feel alright. We sometimes pretend that all is well, but deep within, we are suffering from some sort of pain. We commit ourselves in performing all tasks which have been entrusted to us just to prove our worth, until we burned ourselves out... 
...and then we give up? 

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak".
This is true about being human. Our mind is too eager to say we can, but our body cannot.

I remember Lavi Singh (Ricky)'s words:

"Even big or strong things  sometimes touch the ground and give up.. then who am I not to, when I'm just mere human?"

Days before new year, I had an incredible pain (in connection with the accident). It made me feel half-paralyzed because I couldn't move my left shoulder and arms. It wasn't easy to be in a situation wherein I couldn't do all the things I used to do. It was like a flashback of the discomfort I had two(2) months ago. I was in the verge of giving up knowing I'm just mere human...

 until someone has helped me reduce the uneasiness I had,

Someone whose simple and natural medical advice has brought a great impact on my part. 

It is not easy to be treated like patient. 
Who wants to lie down in bed all the time or sit on the couch doing nothing? 
Who else want to feel useless?

During the media noche celebration, while everyone is happy sharing gifts and laughter, I feel like I was so isolated. My excitement of the occasion was converted into hostility due to my condition. I feel like I'm of no use at all as if my presence is nothing but a burden.

Fine morning of January 1st (new year), trying to look good despite of my shoulder pain, I strove hard to get up from bed (without the aid of family members), pretending that everything is alright. After chanting a short prayer, I stood up in front of a familiar woman, greeted her blankly saying: "Happy New Year!"

To my surprise, the woman returned a smile as she uttered similar words, "Happy New Year".

Oh darn that contagious smile! A smile which tells a thousand stories reflected from her stealthy eyes, saying "Every morning brings new hope".

How did she do that? How did she manage to smile despite of those sadness hidden from the corner of her eyes? 

It's the first morning of the year and this woman's smile brings hope for the day. She was able to remove the thick cloud of loneliness I had as she tried to stretch out her painful, yet welcoming arms, encouraging me to do the same.. 

oh wait.. she too, had shoulder pain?

Her sweet gesture is quite a relief to my discomfort and I'm sure she had that same relief too, although we have different story behind that shoulder pain.

Well, every person has a story to tell, and only God knows the life, the heart, the loves, the trials, the hopes, the wishes and dreams of everyone.

People have misery and pain greater than mine, yet they still look good. If they were able to make it, then why can't I?

As I looked back at the woman's face, I've seen  some traces of discomfort, but instead of grief or misery reflecting her eyes, I can see her calmness, her peaceful character that brightens up my day.

She has this kind of magic, this healing power that heal wounds, ease whatever pain inside and out...

She has this power in every smile.

A confident peaceful smile that overcomes self pity.

My shoulder pain isn't fully recovered yet, but it's nothing compare to the good things that is bound to happen this year. 

"Her calmness has made me see things on the positive side"

I wanna give thanks to this woman.

     I wanna feel her always close to me.

        I wanna see her smile as often as I can.

           I wanna talk to her anything under the sun.

              I wanna be like her in every way.

Each time I look at her, there is that strong force that pulls me towards her
I wonder why...

Then an inner voice said:

Do not under estimate the value of your presence..

It's not you who need her but SHE NEEDED YOU.
Everything you see in her is "YOU"

...because the one you're talking to is the WOMAN IN THE MIRROR.

"She is the reflection of everything you are, yet you didn't see it because your heart is full of self pity to your condition and your eyes are clouded with tears of inhibitions".

Set the woman free. 

Set yourself free.