"It Rains When You Cry"

"I love to have tears, coz it somehow brings healing to my soul"

Tonight is a different night of all the nights..

The moon is so distant..
I feel him near, beside me, but seemed too far.

Sad tears clouded my eyes as I looked up and asked the moon why?

Something is wrong, everything seemed too lonely...

then by and by, his moonlight was out of sight..

tears were pouring  from that lonely sky!

and bathed my soul with  forlorn cries... 
it's raining now...

It's raining hard tonight! and you know what, these rains are my best friends. I used to go motorbiking with them..they know how I feel.

Tonight these rains are looking so sad and making me sad too. I'm asking why they're sad...
then, they are pouring their drops over me saying it's me, who's making them sad.. 

 "It rains when you cry".

I asked, "why it pours so hard"? the voice replied, the moon has spilled it out, for he has too much... he wants you to smile with the rain and stop crying because there's no one to wipe your tears away". 

I looked up the moon behind the clouds, with close smiling eyes, I let the rain wash away my tears!! 

"God.. he cares!".

"Anyone can make you smile or cry, but it takes someone special to put a smile on your face when you already have tears in your eyes".


~Anonymous.~

 

"Independence"

"Every time I heard the word independence, freedom is the first word that comes to mind"
     

      During my college days, one of my professor asked me what freedom is. I had a hard time figuring out what is it.  I heard a lot about freedom but knowing me, when I cannot explained the complete detail, I'd rather not answer. 

     I left the classroom with a foggy mind, thinking about that freedom. I know freedom is about being free, but on what? and on how? I was walking along the corridor when a naughty classmate obstructed my way and suddenly kissed me... omg! yuckky! lol... 

Reflex has prompted me to slap the person. He threw at me a questioning look .. then to my surprised I said to him, " your freedom has ended up at my lips ". ohh jeez how come I was able to utter those words.. 'himala'!!. From that instant, I realized what freedom is. ;)

     Freedom for me is to freely do what I ought to do. "ought" means "we have to", and it connotes responsibility and fact. It must be within the law. The freedom to do things within the law.  We  are free to describe that a triangle has 3 sides, but we are not free to say a triangle has 4  sides coz it contradicts the law of stating facts. 

     

     We have the right to exercise our own freedom for as long as it won't hit another's nose or another's lips. This is what I believe in and become my mantra. I have the freedom to describe that a square has 4 sides, oh yeah I can freely say that. If I used my freedom to insist that a square has 3 sides, then I am already abusing the freedom which I have in me.

    In love's journey, freedom can be applied in love expression. If we know our freedom, we also know our limitations in our relationships. We should only do the things that we "ought" to do and not just because of our desire to do it. The same with love of country. We do what we "ought" to do for our nation, we exercise the freedom of speech, freedom of expression and so other things that concerns freedom. However, we have to make it sure that the freedom we aspire for the nation to strive for independence must not end at the lips of other nation's freedom. 

     If only every relationship, either personal or nation, knows the certain limits of freedom and independence, then what a bright and peaceful world to be. When everyone knows its limitations and value, no one dares to hurt a nation and peace is at hand! 

"Every nation should go beyond mere lip service to diversity and tolerance, and put LOVE & PEACE into action. As a peacemaker promoting human dignity, regardless of race, culture, belief or religion, we have responsibility to work hand in hand for UNITY and DIVERSITY. We are all equal in the eyes of GOD. India is celebrating now its 65th year of Independence. May all the nations con celebrate with them. Our earnest prayers for the nation and its people. Peace and Love may reign regardless of mixture of culture! Viva India, Viva for Love and Peace ♥" ~Leony C.~ (Post at Love & Peace group created by Sachin Ghalot)

FACEBOOK...An illusion?

What's the point of love when you're asleep, when you're at dreamland making up promises.. which ends up in one's eyes and a journey to some practical life and leaving behind all those sweet words? 


        Facebook        - is a site used for social networking. 
                                    - Fb friends can provide the same support as     
                                               those in real life. 
                            - it can help freelance writers find an                 
                                audience for their page...  
                           - it can satisfy each person when it comes  
                               to curiosity about to their opposite sex
                           - and a lot more reasons...


(Facebook intimate moment)

(A glimpse on my book "Love Moment on FB") -Leony C.

Girl : why do u always keep on following me? Are you   
                      stalking my status?

Boy : whoa me? Following you ? never!

Girl : uh\?!! Are you fooling me?

Boy : Me fooling you? Why should I?

Girl : (Irritated) Will you stop cloning my lines… grrrr

Boy : okay I will stop, in one condition.

Girl : then whaaaat???

Boy : Stop following me.. and give me PEACE..

Girl : HUH?@@!! Me following you? Are you out of your mind?

Boy : Yes, I am out of my mind because you keep on following me...

wherever I go, you're always there, In everythin I do I see you..not even a minute you leave., each day is a torture thinking of you. Your face is always following my mind.. every night and day, the thoughts of you always bothering me..,see, I can't even concentrate my lessons thinking of you.. your smile has tortured me.. so please, STOP FOLLOWING MY MIND AND GIVE ME PEACE.. will you??

Girl : (stunned)

       Millions and millions of people are addicted to facebook nowadays. I once was considered myself to be an fb addict lol... You guys might say I'm kidding, but nah I'm not! I have a secret to reveal *whispers* the higher percentage of facebookers stayed fb for fun and/or for pleasure, romance to be specific. 


        What is this romance thing? hmm, it is an emotional  or spiritual intimacy or attachment shared  by fb friends that results from meeting each others ideas, and relationship. Many individuals are attach to this. Some has find it interesting and others find it not. But still they take the pleasure of taking the risk. They have tasted the sweetness of it, they are dreaming and afraid to wake up.. They are fantasizing and convinced themselves that everything was true and right. 


        During my lonesome moment, I reflect myself about these things.
       
I remember one time when I was walking under the moonlight! I was looking at the moon and many questions were bugging at me. I tried as much as I could to differentiate love in illusion and  
in reality.  Realization hit me. It's very hard! It is hard to accept  the fact that everything was just an illusion, much more harder when you try to convince yourself when you already have a close  or fix mind about what you believe in. It's hard to wake up from dreamland!

    The world we experience and the life we live, are the reflections of our thoughts and feelings. The same thing with love. We feel so happy or sad or empty, depending on the mood we have during the day. During hard times, we always say "The heart knows all" when we do not know what we do. We are dreamin while saying this I guess, coz the mind creates a world of illusion. By changing our thoughts and feelings, we change the illusion and experience a different reality. We do not create a world,   a world of a perfect love, only an illusion that looks real at facebook. No unusual power is involved here. It's only the heart<3

        When we are able to still the mind and the senses, our consciousness seems to shift into a new dimension. Actually, it is there all the time, only that the mind makes us think otherwise. When there are no thoughts in the mind, the world we know and believe is real, loses its reality. We become conscious of the world beyond the mind and illusions.

Yesterday, I cried, Now I can smile :)

"We cannot protect ourselves from pain and we cannot expect to trust life not to deliver pain. We can only trust ourselves to survive it." 
~Ron Tochnell~ (member of Love and Peace on the Earth group.. page created by Sachin Ghalot) 

Defeat the pain and be happy!

      This statement of Ron Tochnell has struck me. 

      This past days have been difficult for me. It seemed like I was on a journey with nothing but heartaches. Many painful emotions have been brought across my path and wrenched through my heart. I wanted much to post everything here coz this is my outlet, but a voice inside me has overcome my thoughts. It says, "How can you share positive vibes  to people if you are too centered on your pain?" It was then the time that I made up my mind to stand up and deal the pain. This is where Ron Tochnell's statement came in. 

      In life, we have a lot of sufferings. In love's journey, my previous posts have been a witness of those pains and heartaches. Life can be full of pain and sorrow.  It is difficult to grasp when others are purposefully inflicting pain on us and are relentless in their pursuit. But hey, life is beautiful.   Do we have to cage ourselves from those pain? From those people who inflict the pain to make our life miserable? If we would, then we are really  making our life's journey more miserable.  Where is our wisdom then? where is our pride? Why can't we just take everything positively? After all,  everything has a reason. I remember this line from Sachin Ghalot of Love and Peace on the Earth, "Everything happens for a reason, we only need to know what that reason is." Yeah, quite right, knowing what the reason is will help us understand more about the pain. Understanding the pain will lead us to acceptance and acceptance will give us peace and that peace will give us happiness. A peaceful and happy heart will defeat that pain. 

        Pain is always there but it is just a dot compared to the happiness we have to experience. Yeah, pain is just a dot and why do we let it controls us? Yesterday I cried, but today I formed  a genuine smile, a smile that lightens up my  hurting heart. Believe me, the pain is hard to recognize now coz what is left is hope and a sweet feeling of victory. Victory that I have defeated the pain.

       Ron Tochnell is quite right. We cannot protect ourselves from pain. we cannot trust life not to deliver pain. We can only trust ourselves to deal with it and survive. How can we survive? According to Sachin Ghalot, know the reason, and understand that pain. By understanding it will lead us to acceptance.  

Written by: Leony Cabauatan- a.k.a. - Moonrose

          

How painful is the pain?

“You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.”

How painful is the pain? well for me, pain is too much when your whole being is too numb and you could no longer feel the hurt, you could no longer think and your entire being is so empty. Pain is too much when you want to cry but nothing will come out from your eyes...
Much painful when you want to shout to release that heavy feeling, but you cannot even shout.  Pain is too painful when you die yet you still live.


People say:

Love is like a bond. It makes you feel great when you have it... 

Love help you up when you are down... 

Just to push you back down again!

Others say love is a feeling two people share,
Some say love is a game..., 

But I say:
Love is pain that we have to embrace. There goes the saying "No pain, no gain" so without embracing it, we can't go on living, after all, we are born to love and to be loved. No matter how painful the pain is, we have to go on loving. Yeah, love teaches us pain, and once the feeling of love goes, we all try so hard to feel it again.. life is so ironic. (sighs)    


Everyday, along my journey, I am always yearning for that real love. I am too focused of my feelings without considering the feelings of that someone whom I claimed I have loved, to the extent that he might got  suffocate of my behavior. I am too centered on my beliefs and conclusions, all because of jealousy.

I asked myself several times of why I always get jealous. Maybe I have grounds or bases of that jealousy, but, it will not justify to tolerate myself from messing up.  Still the fact remains that too much of it will suffocate a person. Too much of it will draw a person away from you. I just discovered it today, and it isn't too late :) 

I am used to pain. I just wish that someday, along the way, I feel no pain.

TRUST IN LOVE

“Where and when you least expect it, LOVE is there!”

       This quote has always been my inspiration for a long time now. I hardly forget the day when a stranger  came into my life and filled my heart with gladness.  I met this stranger while I was on my journey, searching for the real meaning of love and peace. That instant, I got struck by his simple gestures and desirable thoughts that has become the passageway towards the most important room of my heart. He has easily boarded in and in fact, until now, he is the sole occupant of that special room. This stranger has become a someone whom I turned to, whom I laughed with and shared with.. the someone who has unveiled my heart to see what love and peace is all about.

     Hours, days, and even months had passed, I keep on journeying with him. We’ve been trying to patch up every differences to save us both. I trusted him more than I ever trusted anybody. They said, the future is yet to come. Yeah.. it is uncertain. We have decided to keep on journeying with a happy heart no matter how uncertain the future is, and the secret ingredient is TRUST.

        In the absence of trust, things gonna be different then. Each of us needs to keep holding on the trust we have. If it is a risk to do so, then be it a risk, it is quite satisfying to take the risk rather than play safe and do nothing at all. TRUST IN LOVE. LOVE WITH TRUST. This two must always come together!. 

HOW IS IT TO LOVE?

  “I gave my all, my trust, my love and my heart.. but it wasn’t enough"

       When we are on a rocky situation, we often asked "why does Life so cruel? Is it really how life is? Why does happiness will only visit to us once and when it leaves, all the pains and hurts poured out upon us? Is journeying in love has to be like this?" 

Once In A Blue Moon

     I am not a dramatist nor an essayist but being in love's journey with all the happiness and pains,  I was taught to be one. Well, not as good as what you think,  and not as everyone does but I can be in my little own ways, in such a way  that I know purely, hoping that my pain would ease.  I only write my feelings once in a blue moon,  and today is one of the moment, the sad moment of my days. My heart is too heavy . I am hoping that through this piece, this pain in me will disappear like a wind blows at once, and this heart of mine will find real peace and love.  I'm sorry if I put mostly of  my sentiments here, but what can I do? this is my sanctuary, and this is how I feel now. I want to take a rest from this journey, but I don’t know how.. I want to cry out loud, scream as loud as  possible… and I want all the tears to come out, empty my eyes from every drop that tortures my agonizing heart. Hoping that after this, this pain would leave me and I can have peace. If I could beg this pain to go away, then I will beg for it to go.. just wish I would know how?

     I asked myself of what is wrong with me.  Why do I need to suffer? I can't blame no one for this pain.  Maybe the wrong is..I don't know how to love..  what a shame on me, I’ve been teaching what love is, I’ve been promoting love and peace, but deep within me, I feel empty. I am but a hollow being at this very moment. I am only good at showing my face to others, I am good in wearing a mask, a mask that I am okay, a mask portraying that everything is alright, a mask showing everyone that I am strong.. but deep within  me, is a battered soul.


     I can show the world my sweet smile, yeah.. and they said my smile brings wonder.. but where is that wonder? I may be smiling, but my heart is crying, If you see me smile often, that’s how often I have cried. 

     Perhaps, I don’t know how to love, and this is the reason why I am too demanding and jealous.  This isn't love, right? coz a love is not suppose to be jealous? but why am I feeling this way? Well, maybe I want the person whom I love to care for me the same way as I cared for him. Maybe it was wrong that I always waited for him to  tell me that he thinks  of me everyday, or maybe I always hungered of his sweet words, specially the magic word that makes up my day. I want him to show his feeling towards me everyday for security. I always ask and demand trust. 

I'm sorry for Loving You the way I know

     Do I sound insecure now? I hope not! (sighs). I only wanted that his attention is only for me which is all wrong because he has also his own life to live and own friends to be with. Then what would I want? Am I sick ? well, maybe yeah  I am sick.    I am so mad in this feeling called love. I am nothing  and no one but  a SELFISH. person. I don’t deserve this thing you call LOVE. I don't deserve to be loved coz everyone I loved  was hurt because of my  own way of loving.  My way of love hurts you and with this, my apology. Forgive me for loving you the way I know!

     I might be a sick individual, seeking for love and attention and when I have it,  I don't know how to get hold of it.  Please get away from me, don't ever come near me.  Don't be fooled by  my smile.  This smile could hurt you, the same as it hurt me. I am sick and I don’t know the cure. I am sick of this love and I am almost dying for this, incurable depression like a virus and I don’t want  you to get infected by me. I don't want you to die with me. I would rather die alone than to see you hurting, I don’t know if this is love, but this is how I am feeling. Before I depart from you, let me say, I AM SORRY for loving you this way :( 

Enclosure:

The above post "How is it to love" describes  the hard days I had as  I went along my journey in love. It shows how love can affect the emotion and the reasoning of the one suffering from it. It somehow reminds us that love's journey is rocky at times and what we need is to stay firm amidst all the storms we meet along the way!<3