THE HARD DAYS

      "Restore within me the integrity of heart that will not be shaken by any storms.., that no matter how hard my days are, still I will stand firm."

     It was a hot weather on that particular day, November 30, 2011, yet I didn't mind the heat. In fact, I was feeling cold inside. I was feeling blue and my entire being was like a robot after I left my computer with a  heavy heart. I decided to visit my friend after a stroll at my favorite mountain peak.  This is what I usually do every time I got a heavy feeling. To spend sometime to unwind.

     Little did I know, that day would give my life an abrupt twist. As I maneuvered my motorbike, I noticed him: "A big man with a mustache. He's approaching towards my direction and before I knew it, He was blocking my way.

     "Give me the key!" he demanded.

I screamed. I didn't move, holding on to my keys tightly. Desperate, he straightened up and pulled something out of his pocket, omg  a knife!!

     "I will kill you!, he  hissed pointing the knife at me.

     I couldn't cry, I closed my eyes and prayed aloud, speaking words only God could understand. And soon, at one point during the most terrifying moment, somehow, I was certain I would not die. I didn't know what happened, maybe confused by the sound I made, the man began cursing and then in a second he dashed to the street and jumped into a passing vehicle. He was gone. omg how did it happen? I was shivering when I left that place heading towards my friend's house.

     She wasn't there when I arrived at our rendevouz (our hiding place when we need to unwind). I went straight to her study room. Still full of energy, I grabbed her guitar and played a praise song. While I was plucking and humming the song, the hurtful realization of a relationship, the heavy feeling of the emotional distress I had for the day and that horrible incident flashed back my mind. It was towards the middle of the song that I broke into tears. I tried as much as I can to stand strong, to maintain a happy aura, but right that very moment, I gave in to tears!. Very much thankful that along my journey, He is always there, protecting me. Praise Him.

HOW DO I LOVE A PERSON

      This is the kind of question I often ask from myself. A question that always gives me a flashback of how life has treated me, of how I journey my life in the course of love... yesterday and today!

My love is a gift to myself and to you

With much love in the heart, I sometimes feel the need to escape the harsh realities of the world. I want only happiness, even magical happiness.  I often go to the mountain peak to complete my fantasy trip. I call it my magical love fantasy. It makes me more joyful than anything else. To savor the word love.

When it comes to love, I'm maybe blind! lol..coz I just love to be in love and am willing to sacrifice everything for it. I am extremely devoted and even find myself ignoring my partner shortcomings. Being in love is one way for me to go beyond reality and escape the ordinary everyday world. It makes me feel alive yeah.. especially when I heard that my loved one is present with me. It allows my spirit to soar. Some people say I'm an incurable romantic, capable of being swept off to fantasy land. Well, they maybe right, however, I'm deeply spiritual and don't take relationships or sex lightly. 

I am highly affectionate and easy to please, and appreciate the efforts of others especially the effort of the person I love. I want to know that I am loved and so I prefer someone who is loving, sensitive and demonstrative to be at my side. I give unselfishly of myself to others, but sometimes run the risk of losing my own identity in the process. I am quite aware of it though.. but I tolerate it sometimes, coz what I really looking for is a special connection with someone I feel will accept and understand me. Life feels shallow and dry to me when romance is missing  awww lol.. – so I'm eager to take the plunge. Always take the risk.. but I must be careful though… sometimes I'm so keen to be romantically connected that I dive in too quickly and find myself connected to someone unsuitable.Why unsuitable? because the someone cannot meet my expectation. I must be on guard of my feelings too, I hope. This is how I am journeying in love <3

My love is a gift simply wrapped for my loved one to easily open up.  Haayyy buhayy, parang life :)

YOU ARE WHAT YOU NEED TO BE

"As each moment make known to me, I will discover new things..."

Each moment make known is a self discovery towards new and challenging things. 

These past days, dealing with the bad breaks of life and love has turned my world upside down. I thought I've gone crazy, with so much tension in me. I couldn't think, couldn't even work. Everything was so messed up! ohh what a life! I need to do certain things but my willingness hinders me.  I need to think rightly but I was too weak to even think. I felt all alone. I didn't know where to find anyone in the trenches like me, who were a little bit further along in their journey in this life and were willing to help me and teach me or advice me the right steps to take  to make sure I stayed on the right track. I felt like an outcast that no one was with me. Totally alone! Lost is the word to describe that phase of my life.

Tears has accompanied me throughout this journey of being alone. I lost my trust to anyone. I felt like I was taken for granted. Negative feelings engulfed my sorrowful heart and weary mind.  I know it wasn't right, but I let myself, at least for a moment, to have something to pin down. I cried hard and gathered all the pains inside me, and shout it out the best I can. Yeah, crying out is my way of consoling myself. This is how I dealt with pain.. tears is my console, my bestfriend. It was the first one to rescue me. Tears never fail to accompany me during my  hard days .. tears was all I got and it was the same tears that taught me about how it is to live.

Live with love and Survive

"I am used to pain" has already become my mantra. uhh? what is in the pain that I pampered much? Realization struck me, but instead of hurting, it has invigorated my entire being.  It took me sometime to realize that all  was caused of self pity. Pampering pain and self  pity will do no good, it's just a waste of time. So what!!  if things didn't turned out right as expected? 

Being away for quite sometime has helped a lot in curing my wounded heart.  That experience made me realize that even though I had been battered with pain, life had to be more about meaning, that life is full of beauty. Come to think of the less fortunate individual who are searching food for survival.. They survived!  so why can't I? 

I am a survivor... A survivor from physical anger of nature and from the hurtful playing emotion caused by people. With that tears, I am much stronger than I realize. I am stronger and more capable than I know. In fact now, I can proudly say, after all the pain I've been trough..I can handle everything that comes my way with strength to spare. Tears has become my strength.

Right  now, I need to change my view of myself to be as strong as I need to be. I am the master of my own self. I must treat it right. I must direct myself to be what I need to be. Right at this moment, I am what I need to be. In the next moment, according to an author, I will be able to respond to that moment with ease and grace. And so in the next moment as well. I musn't get distracted with this pain the world has given me. I must walk ahead, hold my head up high, and face the world wearing a confident smile. I am what I am and what I need to be. Life only seems irresistible  when I allow the future to roll out before me, outlined with fear and doubt. I will not live it as I fear. I will not live it as I imagine. I will experience it as it comes, each moment. This is my life in love's moment.. and this is how I must live my life.  I do believe now that each moment make known is a discovery of  new things in love and life. Out of this moment, I can be a different person than I am right now.

Allow this discovery of newness

I must allow this discovery of newness and strength to grow. I must set fear and doubt aside and fill myself with faith and action fed with courage, as I go along my journey in this newness, and with Love and Peace in the heart. Oftenly, before I was too weak.. but now, giving up is not my choice of word. I am strong and capable. I can rise up, fly high above the blue sky of hope, to the challenges of my life with much courage and love<3.  I can reach and touch the moon with my bear hands and shine out with my pure wish of all goodness.. goodness to myself and to the people who hurt me. I wish them all goodness, wellness and love as I step out into the world to embrace each new day with power infused with love and peace.<3 Nothing is impossible. :)

When our eyes met, there was magic

When was the first time we fall in love? How was the feeling?

      Going back when we first fall in love, on that very unforgettable date, the whole world seems to fade into the background.

      My lover is my no.1, the "center stage" as we call it.  I am yearning of his presence. I just love him so much that I dare not see anyone else. I always look forward of his message. A single "hi" is enough to keep me going the whole day. It made me complete. It made me wear a genuine smile to everyone I met. I didn't mind others opinion about  him. I didn't mind the world. I didn't mind if I was dreaming. All I mind was the sweet feeling of giving love and being loved.

      For sure you guys knew too about this feeling! You knew well how colorful the world of a person in love is. Our  heart can do wonders. We can make songs out from that feeling.  We can even make poems that help us convey the message from our heart. Being in love allows us to see the beauty of life. The beauty inside and out. All the things we see in this world, is full of beauty.. but nothing is more beautiful than the eyes of our beloved <3.

There's magic when your eyes rest mine

When our eyes met, there was magic!

pure, undiluted and electrifying... It coursed through my veins and lit my heart with 220 volts of emotions..

When our eyes met, a dreamy smile lit your face,

and my eyes glazed over.

Since then, everytime our eyes met, 

there is just plain magic! 

"It Rains When You Cry"

"I love to have tears, coz it somehow brings healing to my soul"

Tonight is a different night of all the nights..

The moon is so distant..
I feel him near, beside me, but seemed too far.

Sad tears clouded my eyes as I looked up and asked the moon why?

Something is wrong, everything seemed too lonely...

then by and by, his moonlight was out of sight..

tears were pouring  from that lonely sky!

and bathed my soul with  forlorn cries... 
it's raining now...

It's raining hard tonight! and you know what, these rains are my best friends. I used to go motorbiking with them..they know how I feel.

Tonight these rains are looking so sad and making me sad too. I'm asking why they're sad...
then, they are pouring their drops over me saying it's me, who's making them sad.. 

 "It rains when you cry".

I asked, "why it pours so hard"? the voice replied, the moon has spilled it out, for he has too much... he wants you to smile with the rain and stop crying because there's no one to wipe your tears away". 

I looked up the moon behind the clouds, with close smiling eyes, I let the rain wash away my tears!! 

"God.. he cares!".

"Anyone can make you smile or cry, but it takes someone special to put a smile on your face when you already have tears in your eyes".


~Anonymous.~

 

"Independence"

"Every time I heard the word independence, freedom is the first word that comes to mind"
     

      During my college days, one of my professor asked me what freedom is. I had a hard time figuring out what is it.  I heard a lot about freedom but knowing me, when I cannot explained the complete detail, I'd rather not answer. 

     I left the classroom with a foggy mind, thinking about that freedom. I know freedom is about being free, but on what? and on how? I was walking along the corridor when a naughty classmate obstructed my way and suddenly kissed me... omg! yuckky! lol... 

Reflex has prompted me to slap the person. He threw at me a questioning look .. then to my surprised I said to him, " your freedom has ended up at my lips ". ohh jeez how come I was able to utter those words.. 'himala'!!. From that instant, I realized what freedom is. ;)

     Freedom for me is to freely do what I ought to do. "ought" means "we have to", and it connotes responsibility and fact. It must be within the law. The freedom to do things within the law.  We  are free to describe that a triangle has 3 sides, but we are not free to say a triangle has 4  sides coz it contradicts the law of stating facts. 

     

     We have the right to exercise our own freedom for as long as it won't hit another's nose or another's lips. This is what I believe in and become my mantra. I have the freedom to describe that a square has 4 sides, oh yeah I can freely say that. If I used my freedom to insist that a square has 3 sides, then I am already abusing the freedom which I have in me.

    In love's journey, freedom can be applied in love expression. If we know our freedom, we also know our limitations in our relationships. We should only do the things that we "ought" to do and not just because of our desire to do it. The same with love of country. We do what we "ought" to do for our nation, we exercise the freedom of speech, freedom of expression and so other things that concerns freedom. However, we have to make it sure that the freedom we aspire for the nation to strive for independence must not end at the lips of other nation's freedom. 

     If only every relationship, either personal or nation, knows the certain limits of freedom and independence, then what a bright and peaceful world to be. When everyone knows its limitations and value, no one dares to hurt a nation and peace is at hand! 

"Every nation should go beyond mere lip service to diversity and tolerance, and put LOVE & PEACE into action. As a peacemaker promoting human dignity, regardless of race, culture, belief or religion, we have responsibility to work hand in hand for UNITY and DIVERSITY. We are all equal in the eyes of GOD. India is celebrating now its 65th year of Independence. May all the nations con celebrate with them. Our earnest prayers for the nation and its people. Peace and Love may reign regardless of mixture of culture! Viva India, Viva for Love and Peace ♥" ~Leony C.~ (Post at Love & Peace group created by Sachin Ghalot)

FACEBOOK...An illusion?

What's the point of love when you're asleep, when you're at dreamland making up promises.. which ends up in one's eyes and a journey to some practical life and leaving behind all those sweet words? 


        Facebook        - is a site used for social networking. 
                                    - Fb friends can provide the same support as     
                                               those in real life. 
                            - it can help freelance writers find an                 
                                audience for their page...  
                           - it can satisfy each person when it comes  
                               to curiosity about to their opposite sex
                           - and a lot more reasons...


(Facebook intimate moment)

(A glimpse on my book "Love Moment on FB") -Leony C.

Girl : why do u always keep on following me? Are you   
                      stalking my status?

Boy : whoa me? Following you ? never!

Girl : uh\?!! Are you fooling me?

Boy : Me fooling you? Why should I?

Girl : (Irritated) Will you stop cloning my lines… grrrr

Boy : okay I will stop, in one condition.

Girl : then whaaaat???

Boy : Stop following me.. and give me PEACE..

Girl : HUH?@@!! Me following you? Are you out of your mind?

Boy : Yes, I am out of my mind because you keep on following me...

wherever I go, you're always there, In everythin I do I see you..not even a minute you leave., each day is a torture thinking of you. Your face is always following my mind.. every night and day, the thoughts of you always bothering me..,see, I can't even concentrate my lessons thinking of you.. your smile has tortured me.. so please, STOP FOLLOWING MY MIND AND GIVE ME PEACE.. will you??

Girl : (stunned)

       Millions and millions of people are addicted to facebook nowadays. I once was considered myself to be an fb addict lol... You guys might say I'm kidding, but nah I'm not! I have a secret to reveal *whispers* the higher percentage of facebookers stayed fb for fun and/or for pleasure, romance to be specific. 


        What is this romance thing? hmm, it is an emotional  or spiritual intimacy or attachment shared  by fb friends that results from meeting each others ideas, and relationship. Many individuals are attach to this. Some has find it interesting and others find it not. But still they take the pleasure of taking the risk. They have tasted the sweetness of it, they are dreaming and afraid to wake up.. They are fantasizing and convinced themselves that everything was true and right. 


        During my lonesome moment, I reflect myself about these things.
       
I remember one time when I was walking under the moonlight! I was looking at the moon and many questions were bugging at me. I tried as much as I could to differentiate love in illusion and  
in reality.  Realization hit me. It's very hard! It is hard to accept  the fact that everything was just an illusion, much more harder when you try to convince yourself when you already have a close  or fix mind about what you believe in. It's hard to wake up from dreamland!

    The world we experience and the life we live, are the reflections of our thoughts and feelings. The same thing with love. We feel so happy or sad or empty, depending on the mood we have during the day. During hard times, we always say "The heart knows all" when we do not know what we do. We are dreamin while saying this I guess, coz the mind creates a world of illusion. By changing our thoughts and feelings, we change the illusion and experience a different reality. We do not create a world,   a world of a perfect love, only an illusion that looks real at facebook. No unusual power is involved here. It's only the heart<3

        When we are able to still the mind and the senses, our consciousness seems to shift into a new dimension. Actually, it is there all the time, only that the mind makes us think otherwise. When there are no thoughts in the mind, the world we know and believe is real, loses its reality. We become conscious of the world beyond the mind and illusions.