Mending A Heart

"I have faked my greatest smile. Nobody will notice that it is just a lie. Everybody can see that I am happy, having no traces of pain.. I really want to cry and yet I still have to smile because everybody expect me to be alright"

A SMILE OF A BRUISED SOUL

Love's journey is said to be a balance of laughter and tear, happiness and sadness. But in life's journey, there are more sorrows than happiness. When we are happy, there are too many people that we can share our happiness with, but when we are sad, there are not many people willing to share our burdens. The irony of life, isn't it?

     I haven't felt like myself these past days. A friend of mine has invited me to have a stroll just to refresh the mind from past days work. There was really  no reason not to go but, I just didn't feel like it. So I spent most of the day at home, sitting and staring at my monitor but my mind was really blank. There was a feeling of self-pity, and I felt like crying. I don't really like the feeling, but I couldn't help it. I need to cry in order to remove that inner pain. I felt so numb and too weak. I was totally in a mess.

     I do believe that everyone has some ups and downs, and sadness is a natural emotion, but that time was totally different for me. It was until then I realized that I was beginning to fall into the so called "depression". I mistakenly believe that depression is only an attitude or a mood that I can shake off, but oh God, it was not that easy!

     One night, when the pain was so fresh, I asked myself of whom  I want to share my burden with. I have heard over the years this quote "Time heals all wounds", but do I really have to wait for the time to heal this wounded heart? I  must do something. I was sitting again staring at my monitor at that moment, refreshing his  previous messages. I stared at it while my mind tells me to have more respect for myself. I  logically understand that sending a message to him is not going to make the situation any better, but then, my bruised heart enters the scene and subdued my mine. It says "Go ahead, come online, and  you will feel better... temporarily at least." I simply followed my heart and the moment I opened it up, he was already there, waiting for me too and  was about to do the same.!! 

Jeeez!! the amount of tears I shed when he was out was the same amount of  tears I shed when I let him in again. I thank God for He did not allow me to prolong the pain, I thank myself for allowing my  wounded heart to overpower my mind. Now,  my smile is no longer a lie. :)

JOURNEYING WITH PAIN

 I'm all Covered with Scars
(Special Thanks to Youth Encounter)

   I have trusted again and been  betrayed at times.

Why It Hurts to Care?

I have loved and ended up alone and in tears.

I have tried hard to care and failed often.

I have been warm and received a cold shoulder.

I have been through it, Lord.

I’ve fallen on my face.

I’ve been bruised.

Look, Lord, I’m all covered with scars!

I have done my best..
But my best was not enough



Is this my Fate?

Don't I deserve happiness?
 Am I destined for sorrow?

Wounded Heart

My Heart

My very precious heart is gorgeous, full of beauty. 
But when pain comes, my heart withers, its beauty disappears. 

Many times my heart has been like a rose flower- beautiful, full of joy and peace, ready to bring joy to others and to love others unselfishly. 

But now, my heart is closed, wounded, without joy and hope, without Peace & Love.

This is my hardest and painful moment. I feel that heinous knife stabbed at my precious heart, the heart that I can only be proud of.. is bleeding! 

No. This is no longer my heart.. because my one and only heart has been stolen by a man. How lucky that man is.. he could go somewhere else with my heart in his hand.. the only treasure I have is gone! 

 
Without a heart...
How can I live my life today? 
How can I move on?
Kindly hand it back to me, 
for without a heart, I couldn't imagine a day!

The Way Of Love

     Love will not always go on easy waters. Waves will pour in and test the power of your love. Keep the love burning so that no matter how many problems you will have to put up, however turbulent they may be, your love will stay afloat.

     Most people have experienced the ups and downs in a relationship. Arguments and clashes happen. Some looses it and others have overcome it. Well, It can't be denied that those little differences between lovers has helped a lot in building a more healthy relationship. Arguments or "Love quarrel" as they call it, add spices to every relationship. This is one way of showing how they care and how they value with each other. 

     Do we really have to experience it? Do we need to undergo this irritating scene in love's journey? These questions keep on bugging me. Writing this article makes me remember one person, a very special one. He is someone who can twist your world upside down. A someone who never fails to give surprises, whose mind never stop in experimenting new ideas and events, even in love. I find this someone so candid-- the way he speak out everything and acted as if he dominates his own world. One time I asked myself, is it his way of showing Love? There is simply magic in this man. I can't even define him, and the worst is I lost my reasoning when it comes to him. Everytime I hate him, the more longings come within. How did this someone become so dear to me? my gosh I do not even know!!! Events have overtaken the day since I have received that message "I am always ready for a noble cause" from him. It was just like a lightning that struck me, but instead of killing me has invigorated my life.

     There is promise in him. I feel it. Everytime we talk I feel the love in him. I have concluded that everything he did and everything he said to me are reflections of what is inside of him. This is how he loves me. This is his way of love. This is how I am journeying with him. 

     In love's journey, always go to the mile together. Do not leave your beloved behind, or both of you would be lost. As long as you have each others hand, everything would be alright. With your hands together, you can set your destiny; your dreams, your family. Have faith in each other.

Mysterious Force

     There are some questions which have been bugging my mind for quite sometime. About what makes two people, of different cultures, different backgrounds, different families, different outlooks click together? or "what power in the world can make two people stay together for the rest of their lives? 

In search for answers, I came across with an article saying " male and female with unlike scents attracts each other". so then, this is applicable to science. They may have found the reason why people get attracted to each other, but I am sure that science can never find the reason why two people stick it out for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do them part. Their commitment and decision to stay with each other is truly puzzling. This mysterious force is what I call LOVE :)♥  

LOVE BEGINS WITH A DREAM

     Every person carries his heart a blueprint of the one he loves. We already have an ideal in us, one which is made by our thinking, our habits, our experiences, and our desires. Before meeting certain people we already have a pattern and idea of what we like and what we do not like.

     When we hear music for the first time, we either like or dislike it. We judge it by the music we already have heard in our own hearts. Calm minds like calm music: The heart has its own secret melody and one day, when the score is played, the heart answers: "This is it". So it is with love. A tiny architect works inside our human heart, drawing sketches of the ideal love from the people it sees, from the books it reads, from the movies/films it watches, from the internet it meets, from its hopes and daydreams, in the fond hope that the eye may one day see the ideal and the hand touch it.

     Life becomes satisfying the moment the dream is seen walking, and the person appears as the incarnation of all that one loved. It is satisfying that when we find the person we love will love us in return. A kind of love we longed for and is hidden and reserved inside our hearts for a long time. It is even more satisfying when that person will dream with us towards greater heights! beyond eternity, a limitless dream that both hearts understand.

     Love begins with a dream and hopefully, lovers will not stop dreaming. A dream that one day, in its own sweet time will be together becoming one in body, mind, heart and soul!. Love begins with a dream and it must not end just only a dream but a reality of that dream with one aspiration, one life, one heart and one love. :)