HOW DO I LOVE A PERSON

      This is the kind of question I often ask from myself. A question that always gives me a flashback of how life has treated me, of how I journey my life in the course of love... yesterday and today!

My love is a gift to myself and to you

With much love in the heart, I sometimes feel the need to escape the harsh realities of the world. I want only happiness, even magical happiness.  I often go to the mountain peak to complete my fantasy trip. I call it my magical love fantasy. It makes me more joyful than anything else. To savor the word love.

When it comes to love, I'm maybe blind! lol..coz I just love to be in love and am willing to sacrifice everything for it. I am extremely devoted and even find myself ignoring my partner shortcomings. Being in love is one way for me to go beyond reality and escape the ordinary everyday world. It makes me feel alive yeah.. especially when I heard that my loved one is present with me. It allows my spirit to soar. Some people say I'm an incurable romantic, capable of being swept off to fantasy land. Well, they maybe right, however, I'm deeply spiritual and don't take relationships or sex lightly. 

I am highly affectionate and easy to please, and appreciate the efforts of others especially the effort of the person I love. I want to know that I am loved and so I prefer someone who is loving, sensitive and demonstrative to be at my side. I give unselfishly of myself to others, but sometimes run the risk of losing my own identity in the process. I am quite aware of it though.. but I tolerate it sometimes, coz what I really looking for is a special connection with someone I feel will accept and understand me. Life feels shallow and dry to me when romance is missing  awww lol.. – so I'm eager to take the plunge. Always take the risk.. but I must be careful though… sometimes I'm so keen to be romantically connected that I dive in too quickly and find myself connected to someone unsuitable.Why unsuitable? because the someone cannot meet my expectation. I must be on guard of my feelings too, I hope. This is how I am journeying in love <3

My love is a gift simply wrapped for my loved one to easily open up.  Haayyy buhayy, parang life :)

YOU ARE WHAT YOU NEED TO BE

"As each moment make known to me, I will discover new things..."

Each moment make known is a self discovery towards new and challenging things. 

These past days, dealing with the bad breaks of life and love has turned my world upside down. I thought I've gone crazy, with so much tension in me. I couldn't think, couldn't even work. Everything was so messed up! ohh what a life! I need to do certain things but my willingness hinders me.  I need to think rightly but I was too weak to even think. I felt all alone. I didn't know where to find anyone in the trenches like me, who were a little bit further along in their journey in this life and were willing to help me and teach me or advice me the right steps to take  to make sure I stayed on the right track. I felt like an outcast that no one was with me. Totally alone! Lost is the word to describe that phase of my life.

Tears has accompanied me throughout this journey of being alone. I lost my trust to anyone. I felt like I was taken for granted. Negative feelings engulfed my sorrowful heart and weary mind.  I know it wasn't right, but I let myself, at least for a moment, to have something to pin down. I cried hard and gathered all the pains inside me, and shout it out the best I can. Yeah, crying out is my way of consoling myself. This is how I dealt with pain.. tears is my console, my bestfriend. It was the first one to rescue me. Tears never fail to accompany me during my  hard days .. tears was all I got and it was the same tears that taught me about how it is to live.

Live with love and Survive

"I am used to pain" has already become my mantra. uhh? what is in the pain that I pampered much? Realization struck me, but instead of hurting, it has invigorated my entire being.  It took me sometime to realize that all  was caused of self pity. Pampering pain and self  pity will do no good, it's just a waste of time. So what!!  if things didn't turned out right as expected? 

Being away for quite sometime has helped a lot in curing my wounded heart.  That experience made me realize that even though I had been battered with pain, life had to be more about meaning, that life is full of beauty. Come to think of the less fortunate individual who are searching food for survival.. They survived!  so why can't I? 

I am a survivor... A survivor from physical anger of nature and from the hurtful playing emotion caused by people. With that tears, I am much stronger than I realize. I am stronger and more capable than I know. In fact now, I can proudly say, after all the pain I've been trough..I can handle everything that comes my way with strength to spare. Tears has become my strength.

Right  now, I need to change my view of myself to be as strong as I need to be. I am the master of my own self. I must treat it right. I must direct myself to be what I need to be. Right at this moment, I am what I need to be. In the next moment, according to an author, I will be able to respond to that moment with ease and grace. And so in the next moment as well. I musn't get distracted with this pain the world has given me. I must walk ahead, hold my head up high, and face the world wearing a confident smile. I am what I am and what I need to be. Life only seems irresistible  when I allow the future to roll out before me, outlined with fear and doubt. I will not live it as I fear. I will not live it as I imagine. I will experience it as it comes, each moment. This is my life in love's moment.. and this is how I must live my life.  I do believe now that each moment make known is a discovery of  new things in love and life. Out of this moment, I can be a different person than I am right now.

Allow this discovery of newness

I must allow this discovery of newness and strength to grow. I must set fear and doubt aside and fill myself with faith and action fed with courage, as I go along my journey in this newness, and with Love and Peace in the heart. Oftenly, before I was too weak.. but now, giving up is not my choice of word. I am strong and capable. I can rise up, fly high above the blue sky of hope, to the challenges of my life with much courage and love<3.  I can reach and touch the moon with my bear hands and shine out with my pure wish of all goodness.. goodness to myself and to the people who hurt me. I wish them all goodness, wellness and love as I step out into the world to embrace each new day with power infused with love and peace.<3 Nothing is impossible. :)

When our eyes met, there was magic

When was the first time we fall in love? How was the feeling?

      Going back when we first fall in love, on that very unforgettable date, the whole world seems to fade into the background.

      My lover is my no.1, the "center stage" as we call it.  I am yearning of his presence. I just love him so much that I dare not see anyone else. I always look forward of his message. A single "hi" is enough to keep me going the whole day. It made me complete. It made me wear a genuine smile to everyone I met. I didn't mind others opinion about  him. I didn't mind the world. I didn't mind if I was dreaming. All I mind was the sweet feeling of giving love and being loved.

      For sure you guys knew too about this feeling! You knew well how colorful the world of a person in love is. Our  heart can do wonders. We can make songs out from that feeling.  We can even make poems that help us convey the message from our heart. Being in love allows us to see the beauty of life. The beauty inside and out. All the things we see in this world, is full of beauty.. but nothing is more beautiful than the eyes of our beloved <3.

There's magic when your eyes rest mine

When our eyes met, there was magic!

pure, undiluted and electrifying... It coursed through my veins and lit my heart with 220 volts of emotions..

When our eyes met, a dreamy smile lit your face,

and my eyes glazed over.

Since then, everytime our eyes met, 

there is just plain magic! 

"It Rains When You Cry"

"I love to have tears, coz it somehow brings healing to my soul"

Tonight is a different night of all the nights..

The moon is so distant..
I feel him near, beside me, but seemed too far.

Sad tears clouded my eyes as I looked up and asked the moon why?

Something is wrong, everything seemed too lonely...

then by and by, his moonlight was out of sight..

tears were pouring  from that lonely sky!

and bathed my soul with  forlorn cries... 
it's raining now...

It's raining hard tonight! and you know what, these rains are my best friends. I used to go motorbiking with them..they know how I feel.

Tonight these rains are looking so sad and making me sad too. I'm asking why they're sad...
then, they are pouring their drops over me saying it's me, who's making them sad.. 

 "It rains when you cry".

I asked, "why it pours so hard"? the voice replied, the moon has spilled it out, for he has too much... he wants you to smile with the rain and stop crying because there's no one to wipe your tears away". 

I looked up the moon behind the clouds, with close smiling eyes, I let the rain wash away my tears!! 

"God.. he cares!".

"Anyone can make you smile or cry, but it takes someone special to put a smile on your face when you already have tears in your eyes".


~Anonymous.~

 

"Independence"

"Every time I heard the word independence, freedom is the first word that comes to mind"
     

      During my college days, one of my professor asked me what freedom is. I had a hard time figuring out what is it.  I heard a lot about freedom but knowing me, when I cannot explained the complete detail, I'd rather not answer. 

     I left the classroom with a foggy mind, thinking about that freedom. I know freedom is about being free, but on what? and on how? I was walking along the corridor when a naughty classmate obstructed my way and suddenly kissed me... omg! yuckky! lol... 

Reflex has prompted me to slap the person. He threw at me a questioning look .. then to my surprised I said to him, " your freedom has ended up at my lips ". ohh jeez how come I was able to utter those words.. 'himala'!!. From that instant, I realized what freedom is. ;)

     Freedom for me is to freely do what I ought to do. "ought" means "we have to", and it connotes responsibility and fact. It must be within the law. The freedom to do things within the law.  We  are free to describe that a triangle has 3 sides, but we are not free to say a triangle has 4  sides coz it contradicts the law of stating facts. 

     

     We have the right to exercise our own freedom for as long as it won't hit another's nose or another's lips. This is what I believe in and become my mantra. I have the freedom to describe that a square has 4 sides, oh yeah I can freely say that. If I used my freedom to insist that a square has 3 sides, then I am already abusing the freedom which I have in me.

    In love's journey, freedom can be applied in love expression. If we know our freedom, we also know our limitations in our relationships. We should only do the things that we "ought" to do and not just because of our desire to do it. The same with love of country. We do what we "ought" to do for our nation, we exercise the freedom of speech, freedom of expression and so other things that concerns freedom. However, we have to make it sure that the freedom we aspire for the nation to strive for independence must not end at the lips of other nation's freedom. 

     If only every relationship, either personal or nation, knows the certain limits of freedom and independence, then what a bright and peaceful world to be. When everyone knows its limitations and value, no one dares to hurt a nation and peace is at hand! 

"Every nation should go beyond mere lip service to diversity and tolerance, and put LOVE & PEACE into action. As a peacemaker promoting human dignity, regardless of race, culture, belief or religion, we have responsibility to work hand in hand for UNITY and DIVERSITY. We are all equal in the eyes of GOD. India is celebrating now its 65th year of Independence. May all the nations con celebrate with them. Our earnest prayers for the nation and its people. Peace and Love may reign regardless of mixture of culture! Viva India, Viva for Love and Peace ♥" ~Leony C.~ (Post at Love & Peace group created by Sachin Ghalot)

FACEBOOK...An illusion?

What's the point of love when you're asleep, when you're at dreamland making up promises.. which ends up in one's eyes and a journey to some practical life and leaving behind all those sweet words? 


        Facebook        - is a site used for social networking. 
                                    - Fb friends can provide the same support as     
                                               those in real life. 
                            - it can help freelance writers find an                 
                                audience for their page...  
                           - it can satisfy each person when it comes  
                               to curiosity about to their opposite sex
                           - and a lot more reasons...


(Facebook intimate moment)

(A glimpse on my book "Love Moment on FB") -Leony C.

Girl : why do u always keep on following me? Are you   
                      stalking my status?

Boy : whoa me? Following you ? never!

Girl : uh\?!! Are you fooling me?

Boy : Me fooling you? Why should I?

Girl : (Irritated) Will you stop cloning my lines… grrrr

Boy : okay I will stop, in one condition.

Girl : then whaaaat???

Boy : Stop following me.. and give me PEACE..

Girl : HUH?@@!! Me following you? Are you out of your mind?

Boy : Yes, I am out of my mind because you keep on following me...

wherever I go, you're always there, In everythin I do I see you..not even a minute you leave., each day is a torture thinking of you. Your face is always following my mind.. every night and day, the thoughts of you always bothering me..,see, I can't even concentrate my lessons thinking of you.. your smile has tortured me.. so please, STOP FOLLOWING MY MIND AND GIVE ME PEACE.. will you??

Girl : (stunned)

       Millions and millions of people are addicted to facebook nowadays. I once was considered myself to be an fb addict lol... You guys might say I'm kidding, but nah I'm not! I have a secret to reveal *whispers* the higher percentage of facebookers stayed fb for fun and/or for pleasure, romance to be specific. 


        What is this romance thing? hmm, it is an emotional  or spiritual intimacy or attachment shared  by fb friends that results from meeting each others ideas, and relationship. Many individuals are attach to this. Some has find it interesting and others find it not. But still they take the pleasure of taking the risk. They have tasted the sweetness of it, they are dreaming and afraid to wake up.. They are fantasizing and convinced themselves that everything was true and right. 


        During my lonesome moment, I reflect myself about these things.
       
I remember one time when I was walking under the moonlight! I was looking at the moon and many questions were bugging at me. I tried as much as I could to differentiate love in illusion and  
in reality.  Realization hit me. It's very hard! It is hard to accept  the fact that everything was just an illusion, much more harder when you try to convince yourself when you already have a close  or fix mind about what you believe in. It's hard to wake up from dreamland!

    The world we experience and the life we live, are the reflections of our thoughts and feelings. The same thing with love. We feel so happy or sad or empty, depending on the mood we have during the day. During hard times, we always say "The heart knows all" when we do not know what we do. We are dreamin while saying this I guess, coz the mind creates a world of illusion. By changing our thoughts and feelings, we change the illusion and experience a different reality. We do not create a world,   a world of a perfect love, only an illusion that looks real at facebook. No unusual power is involved here. It's only the heart<3

        When we are able to still the mind and the senses, our consciousness seems to shift into a new dimension. Actually, it is there all the time, only that the mind makes us think otherwise. When there are no thoughts in the mind, the world we know and believe is real, loses its reality. We become conscious of the world beyond the mind and illusions.

Yesterday, I cried, Now I can smile :)

"We cannot protect ourselves from pain and we cannot expect to trust life not to deliver pain. We can only trust ourselves to survive it." 
~Ron Tochnell~ (member of Love and Peace on the Earth group.. page created by Sachin Ghalot) 

Defeat the pain and be happy!

      This statement of Ron Tochnell has struck me. 

      This past days have been difficult for me. It seemed like I was on a journey with nothing but heartaches. Many painful emotions have been brought across my path and wrenched through my heart. I wanted much to post everything here coz this is my outlet, but a voice inside me has overcome my thoughts. It says, "How can you share positive vibes  to people if you are too centered on your pain?" It was then the time that I made up my mind to stand up and deal the pain. This is where Ron Tochnell's statement came in. 

      In life, we have a lot of sufferings. In love's journey, my previous posts have been a witness of those pains and heartaches. Life can be full of pain and sorrow.  It is difficult to grasp when others are purposefully inflicting pain on us and are relentless in their pursuit. But hey, life is beautiful.   Do we have to cage ourselves from those pain? From those people who inflict the pain to make our life miserable? If we would, then we are really  making our life's journey more miserable.  Where is our wisdom then? where is our pride? Why can't we just take everything positively? After all,  everything has a reason. I remember this line from Sachin Ghalot of Love and Peace on the Earth, "Everything happens for a reason, we only need to know what that reason is." Yeah, quite right, knowing what the reason is will help us understand more about the pain. Understanding the pain will lead us to acceptance and acceptance will give us peace and that peace will give us happiness. A peaceful and happy heart will defeat that pain. 

        Pain is always there but it is just a dot compared to the happiness we have to experience. Yeah, pain is just a dot and why do we let it controls us? Yesterday I cried, but today I formed  a genuine smile, a smile that lightens up my  hurting heart. Believe me, the pain is hard to recognize now coz what is left is hope and a sweet feeling of victory. Victory that I have defeated the pain.

       Ron Tochnell is quite right. We cannot protect ourselves from pain. we cannot trust life not to deliver pain. We can only trust ourselves to deal with it and survive. How can we survive? According to Sachin Ghalot, know the reason, and understand that pain. By understanding it will lead us to acceptance.  

Written by: Leony Cabauatan- a.k.a. - Moonrose

          

How painful is the pain?

“You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.”

How painful is the pain? well for me, pain is too much when your whole being is too numb and you could no longer feel the hurt, you could no longer think and your entire being is so empty. Pain is too much when you want to cry but nothing will come out from your eyes...
Much painful when you want to shout to release that heavy feeling, but you cannot even shout.  Pain is too painful when you die yet you still live.


People say:

Love is like a bond. It makes you feel great when you have it... 

Love help you up when you are down... 

Just to push you back down again!

Others say love is a feeling two people share,
Some say love is a game..., 

But I say:
Love is pain that we have to embrace. There goes the saying "No pain, no gain" so without embracing it, we can't go on living, after all, we are born to love and to be loved. No matter how painful the pain is, we have to go on loving. Yeah, love teaches us pain, and once the feeling of love goes, we all try so hard to feel it again.. life is so ironic. (sighs)    


Everyday, along my journey, I am always yearning for that real love. I am too focused of my feelings without considering the feelings of that someone whom I claimed I have loved, to the extent that he might got  suffocate of my behavior. I am too centered on my beliefs and conclusions, all because of jealousy.

I asked myself several times of why I always get jealous. Maybe I have grounds or bases of that jealousy, but, it will not justify to tolerate myself from messing up.  Still the fact remains that too much of it will suffocate a person. Too much of it will draw a person away from you. I just discovered it today, and it isn't too late :) 

I am used to pain. I just wish that someday, along the way, I feel no pain.

TRUST IN LOVE

“Where and when you least expect it, LOVE is there!”

       This quote has always been my inspiration for a long time now. I hardly forget the day when a stranger  came into my life and filled my heart with gladness.  I met this stranger while I was on my journey, searching for the real meaning of love and peace. That instant, I got struck by his simple gestures and desirable thoughts that has become the passageway towards the most important room of my heart. He has easily boarded in and in fact, until now, he is the sole occupant of that special room. This stranger has become a someone whom I turned to, whom I laughed with and shared with.. the someone who has unveiled my heart to see what love and peace is all about.

     Hours, days, and even months had passed, I keep on journeying with him. We’ve been trying to patch up every differences to save us both. I trusted him more than I ever trusted anybody. They said, the future is yet to come. Yeah.. it is uncertain. We have decided to keep on journeying with a happy heart no matter how uncertain the future is, and the secret ingredient is TRUST.

        In the absence of trust, things gonna be different then. Each of us needs to keep holding on the trust we have. If it is a risk to do so, then be it a risk, it is quite satisfying to take the risk rather than play safe and do nothing at all. TRUST IN LOVE. LOVE WITH TRUST. This two must always come together!. 

HOW IS IT TO LOVE?

  “I gave my all, my trust, my love and my heart.. but it wasn’t enough"

       When we are on a rocky situation, we often asked "why does Life so cruel? Is it really how life is? Why does happiness will only visit to us once and when it leaves, all the pains and hurts poured out upon us? Is journeying in love has to be like this?" 

Once In A Blue Moon

     I am not a dramatist nor an essayist but being in love's journey with all the happiness and pains,  I was taught to be one. Well, not as good as what you think,  and not as everyone does but I can be in my little own ways, in such a way  that I know purely, hoping that my pain would ease.  I only write my feelings once in a blue moon,  and today is one of the moment, the sad moment of my days. My heart is too heavy . I am hoping that through this piece, this pain in me will disappear like a wind blows at once, and this heart of mine will find real peace and love.  I'm sorry if I put mostly of  my sentiments here, but what can I do? this is my sanctuary, and this is how I feel now. I want to take a rest from this journey, but I don’t know how.. I want to cry out loud, scream as loud as  possible… and I want all the tears to come out, empty my eyes from every drop that tortures my agonizing heart. Hoping that after this, this pain would leave me and I can have peace. If I could beg this pain to go away, then I will beg for it to go.. just wish I would know how?

     I asked myself of what is wrong with me.  Why do I need to suffer? I can't blame no one for this pain.  Maybe the wrong is..I don't know how to love..  what a shame on me, I’ve been teaching what love is, I’ve been promoting love and peace, but deep within me, I feel empty. I am but a hollow being at this very moment. I am only good at showing my face to others, I am good in wearing a mask, a mask that I am okay, a mask portraying that everything is alright, a mask showing everyone that I am strong.. but deep within  me, is a battered soul.


     I can show the world my sweet smile, yeah.. and they said my smile brings wonder.. but where is that wonder? I may be smiling, but my heart is crying, If you see me smile often, that’s how often I have cried. 

     Perhaps, I don’t know how to love, and this is the reason why I am too demanding and jealous.  This isn't love, right? coz a love is not suppose to be jealous? but why am I feeling this way? Well, maybe I want the person whom I love to care for me the same way as I cared for him. Maybe it was wrong that I always waited for him to  tell me that he thinks  of me everyday, or maybe I always hungered of his sweet words, specially the magic word that makes up my day. I want him to show his feeling towards me everyday for security. I always ask and demand trust. 

I'm sorry for Loving You the way I know

     Do I sound insecure now? I hope not! (sighs). I only wanted that his attention is only for me which is all wrong because he has also his own life to live and own friends to be with. Then what would I want? Am I sick ? well, maybe yeah  I am sick.    I am so mad in this feeling called love. I am nothing  and no one but  a SELFISH. person. I don’t deserve this thing you call LOVE. I don't deserve to be loved coz everyone I loved  was hurt because of my  own way of loving.  My way of love hurts you and with this, my apology. Forgive me for loving you the way I know!

     I might be a sick individual, seeking for love and attention and when I have it,  I don't know how to get hold of it.  Please get away from me, don't ever come near me.  Don't be fooled by  my smile.  This smile could hurt you, the same as it hurt me. I am sick and I don’t know the cure. I am sick of this love and I am almost dying for this, incurable depression like a virus and I don’t want  you to get infected by me. I don't want you to die with me. I would rather die alone than to see you hurting, I don’t know if this is love, but this is how I am feeling. Before I depart from you, let me say, I AM SORRY for loving you this way :( 

Enclosure:

The above post "How is it to love" describes  the hard days I had as  I went along my journey in love. It shows how love can affect the emotion and the reasoning of the one suffering from it. It somehow reminds us that love's journey is rocky at times and what we need is to stay firm amidst all the storms we meet along the way!<3 

Letting go

"By letting go, we actually allow more of the mystery of love to come in for us"

How can I let go when my world is YOU

     Everybody have something to say about love. But only few knows how it is in a journey. Love has never been smooth sailing! As we keep on journeying, there are moments that we need to battle the hurts and pain.

      There come times along our journey of love and romance, when we must learn to let go. For some of us, we must let go of a past romantic relationship. Maybe the relationship was not meant to be. Perhaps it was hurtful to us, or perhaps it was hindering the personal or spiritual growth of one or both partners. In this case, even when there may still be feelings of passion, or attraction, or just the comfort of the familiar, we must be strong enough in letting go of something. We must be strong in letting go of the hurt and pain that is tormenting us. It is not easy. Not at all, especially when we know that our life revolves with the person whom we truly love. Letting go of that person, and letting go of the past we have shared, letting go of all the dreams we build up, and letting go on everything that reminds us of him/her is the hardest part. 

     Pain is always there, yeah, and sometimes that pain will generate anger. In this case, we need to let go of the anger. Holding on to anger does not save us - and it might even serve to create problems in our physical health or emotional well-being. In the realm of romantic relationships, some of us need to let go of unrealistic expectations. Whether we have idealized a past relationship or just read too many romance novels, or have seen romantic movies.. some of us need to let go of the myth of the perfect lover: the fantasy of a relationship that requires no work and just brings us "happily ever after." By letting go, I am not implying "to forget" or "to ignore." By all means, we should carry with us the happy memories and the lessons we have learned from our past relationships. 

     However, we need to let go in the sense of releasing emotional baggage we may be carrying around with us, so that we may be open to, and present for, a new relationship. Unless we cannot let go of the past, we remain unhappy and we cannot find peace within. We cannot open our heart for a new and real relationship to come in. Let go of the love fantasy and get real. Get focused on things that lighten up the emotional baggage. It is normal that in every journey, there are lots of baggages.. and by this, we need to unload the unimportant one in order for us to journey  with a light heart and mind. 

Good bye!

     Letting go is never easy. It doesn't mean giving up, but somewhat accepting that there are things that cannot be.  Let me quote Winfrey's quote "Breathe. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."

Let go of the past and focus on the present! Treasure what you have now! Unless you won't let go of your past, you could never value the importance of the present! ~Leony~

Mending A Heart

"I have faked my greatest smile. Nobody will notice that it is just a lie. Everybody can see that I am happy, having no traces of pain.. I really want to cry and yet I still have to smile because everybody expect me to be alright"

A SMILE OF A BRUISED SOUL

Love's journey is said to be a balance of laughter and tear, happiness and sadness. But in life's journey, there are more sorrows than happiness. When we are happy, there are too many people that we can share our happiness with, but when we are sad, there are not many people willing to share our burdens. The irony of life, isn't it?

     I haven't felt like myself these past days. A friend of mine has invited me to have a stroll just to refresh the mind from past days work. There was really  no reason not to go but, I just didn't feel like it. So I spent most of the day at home, sitting and staring at my monitor but my mind was really blank. There was a feeling of self-pity, and I felt like crying. I don't really like the feeling, but I couldn't help it. I need to cry in order to remove that inner pain. I felt so numb and too weak. I was totally in a mess.

     I do believe that everyone has some ups and downs, and sadness is a natural emotion, but that time was totally different for me. It was until then I realized that I was beginning to fall into the so called "depression". I mistakenly believe that depression is only an attitude or a mood that I can shake off, but oh God, it was not that easy!

     One night, when the pain was so fresh, I asked myself of whom  I want to share my burden with. I have heard over the years this quote "Time heals all wounds", but do I really have to wait for the time to heal this wounded heart? I  must do something. I was sitting again staring at my monitor at that moment, refreshing his  previous messages. I stared at it while my mind tells me to have more respect for myself. I  logically understand that sending a message to him is not going to make the situation any better, but then, my bruised heart enters the scene and subdued my mine. It says "Go ahead, come online, and  you will feel better... temporarily at least." I simply followed my heart and the moment I opened it up, he was already there, waiting for me too and  was about to do the same.!! 

Jeeez!! the amount of tears I shed when he was out was the same amount of  tears I shed when I let him in again. I thank God for He did not allow me to prolong the pain, I thank myself for allowing my  wounded heart to overpower my mind. Now,  my smile is no longer a lie. :)

JOURNEYING WITH PAIN

 I'm all Covered with Scars
(Special Thanks to Youth Encounter)

   I have trusted again and been  betrayed at times.

Why It Hurts to Care?

I have loved and ended up alone and in tears.

I have tried hard to care and failed often.

I have been warm and received a cold shoulder.

I have been through it, Lord.

I’ve fallen on my face.

I’ve been bruised.

Look, Lord, I’m all covered with scars!

I have done my best..
But my best was not enough



Is this my Fate?

Don't I deserve happiness?
 Am I destined for sorrow?

Wounded Heart

My Heart

My very precious heart is gorgeous, full of beauty. 
But when pain comes, my heart withers, its beauty disappears. 

Many times my heart has been like a rose flower- beautiful, full of joy and peace, ready to bring joy to others and to love others unselfishly. 

But now, my heart is closed, wounded, without joy and hope, without Peace & Love.

This is my hardest and painful moment. I feel that heinous knife stabbed at my precious heart, the heart that I can only be proud of.. is bleeding! 

No. This is no longer my heart.. because my one and only heart has been stolen by a man. How lucky that man is.. he could go somewhere else with my heart in his hand.. the only treasure I have is gone! 

 
Without a heart...
How can I live my life today? 
How can I move on?
Kindly hand it back to me, 
for without a heart, I couldn't imagine a day!

The Way Of Love

     Love will not always go on easy waters. Waves will pour in and test the power of your love. Keep the love burning so that no matter how many problems you will have to put up, however turbulent they may be, your love will stay afloat.

     Most people have experienced the ups and downs in a relationship. Arguments and clashes happen. Some looses it and others have overcome it. Well, It can't be denied that those little differences between lovers has helped a lot in building a more healthy relationship. Arguments or "Love quarrel" as they call it, add spices to every relationship. This is one way of showing how they care and how they value with each other. 

     Do we really have to experience it? Do we need to undergo this irritating scene in love's journey? These questions keep on bugging me. Writing this article makes me remember one person, a very special one. He is someone who can twist your world upside down. A someone who never fails to give surprises, whose mind never stop in experimenting new ideas and events, even in love. I find this someone so candid-- the way he speak out everything and acted as if he dominates his own world. One time I asked myself, is it his way of showing Love? There is simply magic in this man. I can't even define him, and the worst is I lost my reasoning when it comes to him. Everytime I hate him, the more longings come within. How did this someone become so dear to me? my gosh I do not even know!!! Events have overtaken the day since I have received that message "I am always ready for a noble cause" from him. It was just like a lightning that struck me, but instead of killing me has invigorated my life.

     There is promise in him. I feel it. Everytime we talk I feel the love in him. I have concluded that everything he did and everything he said to me are reflections of what is inside of him. This is how he loves me. This is his way of love. This is how I am journeying with him. 

     In love's journey, always go to the mile together. Do not leave your beloved behind, or both of you would be lost. As long as you have each others hand, everything would be alright. With your hands together, you can set your destiny; your dreams, your family. Have faith in each other.

Mysterious Force

     There are some questions which have been bugging my mind for quite sometime. About what makes two people, of different cultures, different backgrounds, different families, different outlooks click together? or "what power in the world can make two people stay together for the rest of their lives? 

In search for answers, I came across with an article saying " male and female with unlike scents attracts each other". so then, this is applicable to science. They may have found the reason why people get attracted to each other, but I am sure that science can never find the reason why two people stick it out for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do them part. Their commitment and decision to stay with each other is truly puzzling. This mysterious force is what I call LOVE :)♥  

LOVE BEGINS WITH A DREAM

     Every person carries his heart a blueprint of the one he loves. We already have an ideal in us, one which is made by our thinking, our habits, our experiences, and our desires. Before meeting certain people we already have a pattern and idea of what we like and what we do not like.

     When we hear music for the first time, we either like or dislike it. We judge it by the music we already have heard in our own hearts. Calm minds like calm music: The heart has its own secret melody and one day, when the score is played, the heart answers: "This is it". So it is with love. A tiny architect works inside our human heart, drawing sketches of the ideal love from the people it sees, from the books it reads, from the movies/films it watches, from the internet it meets, from its hopes and daydreams, in the fond hope that the eye may one day see the ideal and the hand touch it.

     Life becomes satisfying the moment the dream is seen walking, and the person appears as the incarnation of all that one loved. It is satisfying that when we find the person we love will love us in return. A kind of love we longed for and is hidden and reserved inside our hearts for a long time. It is even more satisfying when that person will dream with us towards greater heights! beyond eternity, a limitless dream that both hearts understand.

     Love begins with a dream and hopefully, lovers will not stop dreaming. A dream that one day, in its own sweet time will be together becoming one in body, mind, heart and soul!. Love begins with a dream and it must not end just only a dream but a reality of that dream with one aspiration, one life, one heart and one love. :)