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SILENT TEARS

By: Lavi Singh

“I want to spread my wings but I just can’t fly,
…my precious wings are broken tired…”

I believe I can fly to touch my best friend, the blue sky.
I believe I can soar high from the daylight ‘till the moonlight,
I believe I really can….
    But how? when my wings are broken, how could I survive?

Is there a way to heal what is broken without hurting others feeling?
Is there a way to stop the pain without having tears?
Where should I be?
I seek for a place not to give up nor hide…
but to fight with life in order to make things right.

I often forget that I am just human who can't always be right. I might be tough and strong as you see me, but it’s all a disguise, because in reality, no matter how tough or strong a person is, if he is captive by such a strong emotions of life’s madness and carries the burden on the expectations of others, he will touch the ground and give up, not because he is a coward, but because he is brave enough to accept what is bound to happen even if it means a sacrifice.

Today, I see my own self too closely. All alone and weary, I feel the heavy burdens upon my shoulder.
I can do nothing but close my eyes, because I would never say I’m that person who likes to give up and hide.
What do they expect from me? Wouldn’t I get hurt each time life attacks me?
If I call this life a war, then we know that war never brings peace, since in war, someone wins and others may loose, but one common thing, both pay with blood that thirst.
What good there is to give?
Nothing but a weary soul.

I am worn out.
Why am I in this kind of war?
I wanna take rest but I couldn’t
I wanna do things in my own ways and at my own risk
Yet I was hindered by outside forces, controlled like a robot.
When would I be free?
This war of uncertainty is killing me, yet nobody see
Because everyone is busy on putting up their baggage on me.

I wanna feel something but my body is numb all over
Everything seems blurred, I see nothing but frozen tears
I didn’t feel my body, yet I feel someone has hit my soul
Direct to the core, the pain was so unbearable!
I act like a kid and started to cry, sat in a corner alone, waiting for all
Yet no one else was coming for comfort
Nobody asked how I am or why I cried 
No one dares to ask why I sit and fall down 
No one!
Because everyone just want me to fly all around
I envy the birds which fly freely above me. I wish I could do the same like what others expect of me, but I am just mere human, treated like a bird, put in a silver cage.

Long time ago someone has bought a lovely bird with nice looking wings and gorgeously white feather, like a dove. Fascinated by its loveliness, the man put the bird in a cage. Every morning, it has become his routine to watch the bird for it gives him a light and peaceful feeling before he start his long day.  He was centered on his needs to keep the bird in his custody. He never bother to think if the bird needs freedom or not. He never think that it was born for open sky, and that it couldn’t survive in a silver cage.

Poor bird, he was put in a cage by his master. He struggled hard like to break that cage in order to free himself and fly far away at the open sky. Like me, he forgot that he is just a living thing, surrounded by predators, controlled by outside forces. No matter how hard he tries to struggle to free himself up, he couldn’t easily escape because his existence is already controlled by his master. There’s no way out. Struggling for his freedom is just like a dream, nothing more than that.

After a long fight he just give up his life, fly away from his soul but left behind his body which people buy from the market just for money. He was thinking, he has stayed in that cage, his master gave him all the good food, yet he still desired to get away. Now, he is free, but his body which was being blessed was still kept in that silver cage. The master has his body but he has set his own soul free.

Like of that lovely bird, nobody cares to ask what I want. All they cares is what they want and it has become my duty to give them what they want.
I want my freedom. I wanna spread my wings and fly high, meet my desires, do what I want in that boundless sky, but my wings are broken tired.


Do I have to escape from this world, leave everything behind, take nothing but my soul?
Even the answer to this question is not mine but in favor of the people.
Nothing is really mine!
Nothing… except my silent tears frozen in the corner of my cold eyes..
Hidden behind the shadow of lonely nights.


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